Some times, things don't always go your way, then you start to think, what else can I be doing or am I doing all I can? When you just want some good news, any news, even when you put the TV on and see the news. People are killing each other or kids are being killed or people are wanting other people to just die, what a mad world we live in at times.
Sometimes when you look at life and things are not going your way, I think we should all take a step back. Sometimes it's not because of you or its your fault. Sometimes it's because we may have to wait for others and no matter what you do, we can never change that. Some people may think they are weak or failing others in some way, may even think that they are being selfish or not strong enough. Maybe when we get that way, we should think of where we were and how far we have come.
Some people will say "that's life." Some will say "it's a test" some will even say "it's Gods will." I myself think it has to do with what you believe, as long as you don't let go of what you believe in, then you have every chance of being happy. Plus I think real love is one of the hardest things to find in life. If you have that, you have more than most. When things are not going your way, I think a lot of people forget what they have, we should all be happy for what we have.
When I am down and things are not going my way, I think of just how lucky I am to have someone as wonderful as Buttercup. I think of the times she was not in my life or the times when we were apart. Then I think of just how lucky I am to be with her and to know she is my wife. God how good and proud that makes me feel.
I know at times life can seem unfair for most of us, things go wrong or someone lets you down or there is not enough time. You can make all the best plans in the world. Life is not that easy. We all have to fight for what we believe in. No one is going to put it on a plate for anyone. So if you ever feel life is not going right for you, just take that step back, think of all the people that love you. And before someone says it to themself, those words we have all said "who loves me, who cares about me?"... Well let me tell you, someone loves you, even if you think there is no one, someone out there loves you, just never give up hope. When you do find them never let go and never give up ever............John
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Just Loving You Buttercup
When I think of just how much I love you, at times it's just so overwhelming. Just the way you make me feel inside, so warm and safe, just so happy. Just loving you is so easy, it's not something I have to try and do, its just there insde me. The way I feel when I am not with you, just feel so sad and cold, as if part of me is missing. I know, just how I felt when you were not in my life and I never want to go there again.
Sometimes I feel as if it is a dream, as how can something as wonderful as this happen to me. You are just one in a millon, I just can't help myself at times, just have to touch you, have to keep looking at you, just to make sure I am not dreaming. When I look at you and see the beauty that is in you, as well as the beauty you are on the outside too. I never knew what love was until I met you, love is just such a small word, when I try to think of how much i love you.
When I wake up and see you next to me, my heart just lights up, just like the sun shining on a hot day. When you open your eyes and smile. the warmth that comes over, is just so hot. When you touch me, it feels like a warm breeze that covers my whole body. When you kiss me all the hairs on my body just stand up, my lips just want to never stop kissing you, the warmth of your kisses are just so sweet. Your smile just lights up my world, makes me feel so safe, it gives off such a loving feeling. I know the love we have is unconditional, no rules, just comes from the heart, my love for you is just so true. When I think of how happy it makes me to see your smile, to see you laugh, you just bring out the best of me. You are just so very very special in every way.............Just love you more than you will know, will just try to show you every day, just how much you mean to me..............John
Sometimes I feel as if it is a dream, as how can something as wonderful as this happen to me. You are just one in a millon, I just can't help myself at times, just have to touch you, have to keep looking at you, just to make sure I am not dreaming. When I look at you and see the beauty that is in you, as well as the beauty you are on the outside too. I never knew what love was until I met you, love is just such a small word, when I try to think of how much i love you.
When I wake up and see you next to me, my heart just lights up, just like the sun shining on a hot day. When you open your eyes and smile. the warmth that comes over, is just so hot. When you touch me, it feels like a warm breeze that covers my whole body. When you kiss me all the hairs on my body just stand up, my lips just want to never stop kissing you, the warmth of your kisses are just so sweet. Your smile just lights up my world, makes me feel so safe, it gives off such a loving feeling. I know the love we have is unconditional, no rules, just comes from the heart, my love for you is just so true. When I think of how happy it makes me to see your smile, to see you laugh, you just bring out the best of me. You are just so very very special in every way.............Just love you more than you will know, will just try to show you every day, just how much you mean to me..............John
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Waiting And More Waiting
Just sat here thinking about all the waiting, we have to do. All because people who we are waiting for, well it's just their job, so what is the rush? It's not their lives, its just makes you so mad. When you phone to check, all you get is, well we are doing all we can, but they don't see that, that bit of paper is your life or can save you a lot of money. People that are doing that kind of job, should know, just how important their job is, plus that they have people's lives in there hands.
Just like me, phone England to get some papers, then told to phone Scotland, then they tell me it will take 20 to 30 days, makes you think what the hell they are doing with them. We all call buses, planes and trains for being late, good job the people in the government don't run them, what a mess that would be. When you think today the governments of the USA, Canada and Mexico are talking about letting the rules on border crossing, to make it easier to go from one to the other, so you can work in the USA, but live in Mexico. When I was in the first Gulf War, fighting a long side the USA, and all we do is just get messed about. Plus when I think of the people that live in the USA and they can't even speak English, just makes you think, what you have to do.
Well I just know that me and Buttercup will do what ever it takes, we will not be put off by people who just try to put us off. We know we still have a lot to come and more, much more messing about from people who just sit in a chair. Plus by all the government rules, well rules for some and not for others.......John
Just like me, phone England to get some papers, then told to phone Scotland, then they tell me it will take 20 to 30 days, makes you think what the hell they are doing with them. We all call buses, planes and trains for being late, good job the people in the government don't run them, what a mess that would be. When you think today the governments of the USA, Canada and Mexico are talking about letting the rules on border crossing, to make it easier to go from one to the other, so you can work in the USA, but live in Mexico. When I was in the first Gulf War, fighting a long side the USA, and all we do is just get messed about. Plus when I think of the people that live in the USA and they can't even speak English, just makes you think, what you have to do.
Well I just know that me and Buttercup will do what ever it takes, we will not be put off by people who just try to put us off. We know we still have a lot to come and more, much more messing about from people who just sit in a chair. Plus by all the government rules, well rules for some and not for others.......John
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Nashville
Well we had a great time in Nashville, the first night we went to a blues bar, called Bourbon Street Blues, we had a good night there. The next day we went to a bar called Rippy's, we met some very nice people and had a great time. We then went on to BB Kings and met another new married couple, we had a wonderful time with them, bit too much to drink as well (hahahahahahahaha). The next day we went for a walk round to look at the sites and at night went to Blackstone brewery, very nice beer. We had a wonderful time in Nashville, just went a bit fast, but life always goes fast when you are happy or having a great time.
There was a time in the hotel room, when Buttercup was asleep, I was looking at her just laying there asleep with a smile on her face. Got me thinking of the things we have had to get over. Thinking of my times in England when I was not with her. Thinking of all the times we had talked on the phone or msn and e-mails, of the times I would be in England crying at times because I was not with her. Dreaming of this day. She's my wife. She's right there. I can touch her. (smiles, very very big Smiles).
I know some people will think we are the lucky ones. But what people forget is that it has not been easy. We have had a lot of upset and hard times to get where we are now, plus we still have some to come. The one thing is we never let go, we both know what we want.
When I think back to what we have had to get over. Some people may not believe what they have found, they may even try to run away from it, even break it all off, thinking it can't work. The one thing I know in my heart of hearts and my soul, is that me and Buttercup love each other. As I looked at her on the bed asleep, with the smile on her face, Just makes me so warm inside. I cant think of a time when I have been so loved and so happy in my life. When I see her and how beautiful she is, plus the kind of person she is, she's just so loving and caring, she goes out of her way to help others. Yes in a way I am lucky, to have someone as wonderful as her.
When I think of how I feel when I just see her, How all the hairs on my body just stand up when she touches me. How when I wake up and she's there next to me, God how good that makes me feel, she's my sunshine. I feel my heart banging and it never stop's, just sat here writing this now. My heart is banging so fast, I just want to hold her and kiss her. She makes me feel so special, so loved, so wanted. She makes me see the real me. She lets me be the real me. God how wonderful that feels. I know we still have some hard times coming up, running around and papers to do, But we both know in the end, we will have the life we have always wanted.....John
There was a time in the hotel room, when Buttercup was asleep, I was looking at her just laying there asleep with a smile on her face. Got me thinking of the things we have had to get over. Thinking of my times in England when I was not with her. Thinking of all the times we had talked on the phone or msn and e-mails, of the times I would be in England crying at times because I was not with her. Dreaming of this day. She's my wife. She's right there. I can touch her. (smiles, very very big Smiles).
I know some people will think we are the lucky ones. But what people forget is that it has not been easy. We have had a lot of upset and hard times to get where we are now, plus we still have some to come. The one thing is we never let go, we both know what we want.
When I think back to what we have had to get over. Some people may not believe what they have found, they may even try to run away from it, even break it all off, thinking it can't work. The one thing I know in my heart of hearts and my soul, is that me and Buttercup love each other. As I looked at her on the bed asleep, with the smile on her face, Just makes me so warm inside. I cant think of a time when I have been so loved and so happy in my life. When I see her and how beautiful she is, plus the kind of person she is, she's just so loving and caring, she goes out of her way to help others. Yes in a way I am lucky, to have someone as wonderful as her.
When I think of how I feel when I just see her, How all the hairs on my body just stand up when she touches me. How when I wake up and she's there next to me, God how good that makes me feel, she's my sunshine. I feel my heart banging and it never stop's, just sat here writing this now. My heart is banging so fast, I just want to hold her and kiss her. She makes me feel so special, so loved, so wanted. She makes me see the real me. She lets me be the real me. God how wonderful that feels. I know we still have some hard times coming up, running around and papers to do, But we both know in the end, we will have the life we have always wanted.....John
Friday, March 11, 2005
A Poem for Buttercup
I knew from day one, I wanted you as my wife.
The love I had and still have, was just too strong
The feelings you gave me, will stay in my heart forever
The more we talked, the more I loved you, need to be with you
The first time I seen your beauty
Your long dark hair, your big brown eyes,
ohhhhhh yes i fell off my chair
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?
Then the day we met
You were better than your picture
To feel you, touch you, hold and cuddle you
To kiss your soft, soft lips and hold your hand
And i nearly knock you down
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?
Then time came to pass
Then you said I do
You are beautiful
Now you are my wife
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?
Well we are man and wife
We are going to walk together hand in hand
We are going smile and laugh side by side
NO THIS IS NOT A DREAM
BUTTERCUP, I LOVE YOU
The love I had and still have, was just too strong
The feelings you gave me, will stay in my heart forever
The more we talked, the more I loved you, need to be with you
The first time I seen your beauty
Your long dark hair, your big brown eyes,
ohhhhhh yes i fell off my chair
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?
Then the day we met
You were better than your picture
To feel you, touch you, hold and cuddle you
To kiss your soft, soft lips and hold your hand
And i nearly knock you down
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?
Then time came to pass
Then you said I do
You are beautiful
Now you are my wife
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?
Well we are man and wife
We are going to walk together hand in hand
We are going smile and laugh side by side
NO THIS IS NOT A DREAM
BUTTERCUP, I LOVE YOU
Going Away
Well this is some time for me and Buttercup, to go away on our honeymoon, we have been married 5 days now (smilessssssss). we are going to Nashville for 4 days.
The last 4 days have been a bit of a run around. We had to see the the attorney this week, which I think went well, just my medical to do now and thats more money, then all the papers are sent off. Then its just sitting and waiting, as if we have not done enough of that. Until its time to do all the trips to here and there, just can't wait for all that, Buttercup will be happy. (sighs)
Well me and Buttercup the last 2 days have tried to relax, we have spent time just cuddling and staying in. we both have enjoyed it so much, as Buttercup said to me "no distractions, no pressure, just being able to relax, its was beautiful"
I know we have upset some people the way we got married, but they have to know, we didnt plan it. We just don't want ever to be apart again, plus the pressure it puts you under, sometime you don't know if you are doing right from wrong. We were trying to please every one and it just can't be done. So the next few days, we are going to get away from it all, just us. (smilesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss)
Will do the next post when we get back. Buttercup what a 4 days we are going to have,I cant wait babe, wish you was not at work now, we could be on are way there. I love you, my wife xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx..........John
The last 4 days have been a bit of a run around. We had to see the the attorney this week, which I think went well, just my medical to do now and thats more money, then all the papers are sent off. Then its just sitting and waiting, as if we have not done enough of that. Until its time to do all the trips to here and there, just can't wait for all that, Buttercup will be happy. (sighs)
Well me and Buttercup the last 2 days have tried to relax, we have spent time just cuddling and staying in. we both have enjoyed it so much, as Buttercup said to me "no distractions, no pressure, just being able to relax, its was beautiful"
I know we have upset some people the way we got married, but they have to know, we didnt plan it. We just don't want ever to be apart again, plus the pressure it puts you under, sometime you don't know if you are doing right from wrong. We were trying to please every one and it just can't be done. So the next few days, we are going to get away from it all, just us. (smilesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss)
Will do the next post when we get back. Buttercup what a 4 days we are going to have,I cant wait babe, wish you was not at work now, we could be on are way there. I love you, my wife xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx..........John
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Can I say something here?
OK... this thing is so backwards... his post came before mine... yet this is listed first... go figure.
Read his first.. lol... it's next.
What I want to say is this...
I don't think I can possibly express the amazement that I feel when I read his posts and when we look at each other and say 'how is this possible?'
We have found something that most people wait all their lives to find. It is something so rare and elusive. Probably because we live our lives for what others tell us is right... what they tell us is 'doable'. That's so funny to me right now... as I sit here next to him with my heart so full of love.
Yes... I adore him. He is everything to me. He represents all to me that I dreamt of but never thought really possible. We have that thing that you see in the movies... that thing that seems too good to be true. Well you know what? It IS possible.
But what a battle to make it real. To actually get to a place where you can finally relax and think to yourself 'oh my God, it's real.'
We are there. We've made it to a place where we know we still have stuggles before us and yet we are confident that we will get through them. We are strong.
It takes a lot. A lot of faith, a lot of determination, a lot of confidence. Funny, that is something we both lacked until we met. But in taking that first step we found it.
Don't give up. It can be real. It IS possible.
John, I love you more than I have ever thought it was possible to love another human being and I cherish the day I said.... I do.
Buttercup
Read his first.. lol... it's next.
What I want to say is this...
I don't think I can possibly express the amazement that I feel when I read his posts and when we look at each other and say 'how is this possible?'
We have found something that most people wait all their lives to find. It is something so rare and elusive. Probably because we live our lives for what others tell us is right... what they tell us is 'doable'. That's so funny to me right now... as I sit here next to him with my heart so full of love.
Yes... I adore him. He is everything to me. He represents all to me that I dreamt of but never thought really possible. We have that thing that you see in the movies... that thing that seems too good to be true. Well you know what? It IS possible.
But what a battle to make it real. To actually get to a place where you can finally relax and think to yourself 'oh my God, it's real.'
We are there. We've made it to a place where we know we still have stuggles before us and yet we are confident that we will get through them. We are strong.
It takes a lot. A lot of faith, a lot of determination, a lot of confidence. Funny, that is something we both lacked until we met. But in taking that first step we found it.
Don't give up. It can be real. It IS possible.
John, I love you more than I have ever thought it was possible to love another human being and I cherish the day I said.... I do.
Buttercup
Why me?
Well some people may think 'what am I talking about?' Well let me to tell you. How many people find someone and say "Why me?" Haven`t we all said that?
There comes a time in everyone's life where we all think it's too good to be true. Why me? I am not that good. I don`t see it. What do they see in me? Come on, don`t tell me you have not been there. But can we all be crap? Don`t we all look in the mirror and all we see is the bad things? Then again we are not all bad, Are we?
Well i have been there. Then I talked to this woman and met her. She made me see things that I didn`t see. The one thing that gets to me is she does not see what i see. Thats why I am trying to write this. Because we don`t see it. Well this blog is for Buttercup. You are everything any man could wish for. I can sit here looking at you now and my heart just lights up. God, she`s my wife. God, how good does that feel? Well I am on top of the world. No other woman could make me feel the way my wife does. Big big smilessssssssssssss. She`s my wife. So no matter who you are or where you are, however old you are, there is someone out there for you.
Buttercup is wonderful, beautiful and special. She`s so warm at heart. If we had a millon Buttercups this world would be a better place. I love her with everything I have in me. She has my heart and soul. She lights my world up. I want everyone in this world to find what I have. It's all about every moment. I adore Buttercup. I am so proud to have someone as special as she is.
I just want everyone out there to look in the mirror and see the good. Don`t look at yourself and see the bad. Maybe you see the bad because of what of you have been told or it could be that you have had a bad life so you think that's the way life is. But then you could feel bad because you had fun. Then someone tells you they didn`t, so you feel guilty. Is that right?, Is it Fair? I don`t know what i am trying to say in a way. I just know some of the feelings we can all get.
Then i met Buttercup. She has made me see what life is all about. It's all about loving and being loved. Buttercup has done more for me in a year then anyone has done for me in my lifetime. I can't think of not being with her. Touching her, seeing her smile, holding her hand, waking up and seeing her face. I can`t think of not loving her. What i have with Buttercup is so much more than love. What i am trying to say is, don`t give up ever. Thats the easy thing to do.
How many times have we all done that? Well thats one thing I never did With Buttercup.
Buttercup I love you more than love. I am so proud of you, I am all yours forever.....John
There comes a time in everyone's life where we all think it's too good to be true. Why me? I am not that good. I don`t see it. What do they see in me? Come on, don`t tell me you have not been there. But can we all be crap? Don`t we all look in the mirror and all we see is the bad things? Then again we are not all bad, Are we?
Well i have been there. Then I talked to this woman and met her. She made me see things that I didn`t see. The one thing that gets to me is she does not see what i see. Thats why I am trying to write this. Because we don`t see it. Well this blog is for Buttercup. You are everything any man could wish for. I can sit here looking at you now and my heart just lights up. God, she`s my wife. God, how good does that feel? Well I am on top of the world. No other woman could make me feel the way my wife does. Big big smilessssssssssssss. She`s my wife. So no matter who you are or where you are, however old you are, there is someone out there for you.
Buttercup is wonderful, beautiful and special. She`s so warm at heart. If we had a millon Buttercups this world would be a better place. I love her with everything I have in me. She has my heart and soul. She lights my world up. I want everyone in this world to find what I have. It's all about every moment. I adore Buttercup. I am so proud to have someone as special as she is.
I just want everyone out there to look in the mirror and see the good. Don`t look at yourself and see the bad. Maybe you see the bad because of what of you have been told or it could be that you have had a bad life so you think that's the way life is. But then you could feel bad because you had fun. Then someone tells you they didn`t, so you feel guilty. Is that right?, Is it Fair? I don`t know what i am trying to say in a way. I just know some of the feelings we can all get.
Then i met Buttercup. She has made me see what life is all about. It's all about loving and being loved. Buttercup has done more for me in a year then anyone has done for me in my lifetime. I can't think of not being with her. Touching her, seeing her smile, holding her hand, waking up and seeing her face. I can`t think of not loving her. What i have with Buttercup is so much more than love. What i am trying to say is, don`t give up ever. Thats the easy thing to do.
How many times have we all done that? Well thats one thing I never did With Buttercup.
Buttercup I love you more than love. I am so proud of you, I am all yours forever.....John
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
We Did It!
Well we did it. We are now man and Wife, Big Smiles here. It was not what we had planned. The chance was there and we looked at each other, and just did it. We know we still have a lot of things to do. The thing is we can start things moving now.
God am I happy, Buttercup is my wife! Feel so proud, Walking 10ft tall, I have never been as happy in my life as I am now, Just walking around with a great big smile. I know everyone in their lives has said "I love you" to someone. I have. This that I have with Buttercup is so different. Its more than just love. I don't think I would have ever found love if it had not been for Buttercup. She`s one in a million. I am not very good with words. (think its because I can`t spell very well)
I know my heart belongs to her and I was made to be with her, Forever. I know some people will read all this and think I am soft, Some may read it and say awwwwww. The thing is I want people to read this and see if you love someone, I do mean love someone, Not just saying it. Plus mean what you say and you are willing to give it your all, Then it can happen. We want to show people, Its not all plain sailing, But if you hang in there dreams can come true.
Buttercup was my dream,(God did I dream about that woman )She`s everything I have ever wanted and more, God so much more. I know I am a lucky man. To have someone as wonderful as her(The wife, hahaha) some times when I look at her, Its like being in a dream, Well I never ever want to wake up. she`s my world and my life. When I think of how far we have come, Hard times as well as good. Last night I was thinking of all the good times we have had, Some very very special moments. Too many to write down. When we look at each other and both smile, I can`t put the moment into words. It's just something that's there. The feelings I get from those moments. Just wanted to let people who read our site, We are now married. Just wanted to let them know just how proud I am to have Buttercup as my wife. That sounds so good. To be able to say "Buttercup is my wife".
Just want to grow old with you. xx.. John
God am I happy, Buttercup is my wife! Feel so proud, Walking 10ft tall, I have never been as happy in my life as I am now, Just walking around with a great big smile. I know everyone in their lives has said "I love you" to someone. I have. This that I have with Buttercup is so different. Its more than just love. I don't think I would have ever found love if it had not been for Buttercup. She`s one in a million. I am not very good with words. (think its because I can`t spell very well)
I know my heart belongs to her and I was made to be with her, Forever. I know some people will read all this and think I am soft, Some may read it and say awwwwww. The thing is I want people to read this and see if you love someone, I do mean love someone, Not just saying it. Plus mean what you say and you are willing to give it your all, Then it can happen. We want to show people, Its not all plain sailing, But if you hang in there dreams can come true.
Buttercup was my dream,(God did I dream about that woman )She`s everything I have ever wanted and more, God so much more. I know I am a lucky man. To have someone as wonderful as her(The wife, hahaha) some times when I look at her, Its like being in a dream, Well I never ever want to wake up. she`s my world and my life. When I think of how far we have come, Hard times as well as good. Last night I was thinking of all the good times we have had, Some very very special moments. Too many to write down. When we look at each other and both smile, I can`t put the moment into words. It's just something that's there. The feelings I get from those moments. Just wanted to let people who read our site, We are now married. Just wanted to let them know just how proud I am to have Buttercup as my wife. That sounds so good. To be able to say "Buttercup is my wife".
Just want to grow old with you. xx.. John
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Thinking About The Big Day
I know people will be thinking I am talking about the day we are getting married. Well it was thinking about that, that got me thinking every day I am with Buttercup is a big day. Just having her by my side, makes me feel so proud, Knowing she loves me, has me waking in the clouds. To be able to say she is my wife, Well I am going to be thinking I am in heaven.( walking 10ft tall too )
In my heart I know, I just want her to be happy, plus know she is loved, But in away she's never been loved before. That's what I am going to do, not because I have to, but it's because I want to. That's why I asked her to marry me. I don't care what people think of how we met or if they think its just to get into the country. Buttercup knows, how I feel about her, plus what I would do for her. There is nothing I wouldn`t do for her. People may think I love her because she's good looking. People may think what ever they want to. The thing with Buttercup is she amazes me every day in every way, plus yes I see the beauty of her. (You would have to be blind not to see it). The thing is I see the beauty within as well, and it's wonderful. She as such a big heart, she's always thinking about how to make others happy, I have seen it with my own eyes. I have seen her feeling down and not well. The phone rang, she picked the phone up and talked to the person on the other end. She laughed and talked and made them feel great, She then finished and sat in the chair not feeling well. I just had to go up and cuddle her. She does not think of herself as much as she should.
Buttercup is my 8th wonder of the world, she is such a special woman in every meaning of the word. What ever she dose for someone, She always always wants to do that bit more, just to make them happy and see them smile. I know just being with her, makes me so happy, when she gives me that look I just melt. I know that when she reads this, She will say I am building her again, She will just say "I don't want to fall down", But what she dose not see, Even if she did fall, I would catch her and put her right where she belongs, On top.
She knows I love her, The thing With Buttercup she needs to see, Just what a wonderful and special woman she is. The love I have for her is 2nd to none, I will never take her for granted. I will treat every moment with her as it should be. I don't know if people that read this will see just how much I love her, But I hope you can see just what a wonderful woman Buttercup is. THATS WHY EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE WITH HER IS A BIG DAY..........John
In my heart I know, I just want her to be happy, plus know she is loved, But in away she's never been loved before. That's what I am going to do, not because I have to, but it's because I want to. That's why I asked her to marry me. I don't care what people think of how we met or if they think its just to get into the country. Buttercup knows, how I feel about her, plus what I would do for her. There is nothing I wouldn`t do for her. People may think I love her because she's good looking. People may think what ever they want to. The thing with Buttercup is she amazes me every day in every way, plus yes I see the beauty of her. (You would have to be blind not to see it). The thing is I see the beauty within as well, and it's wonderful. She as such a big heart, she's always thinking about how to make others happy, I have seen it with my own eyes. I have seen her feeling down and not well. The phone rang, she picked the phone up and talked to the person on the other end. She laughed and talked and made them feel great, She then finished and sat in the chair not feeling well. I just had to go up and cuddle her. She does not think of herself as much as she should.
Buttercup is my 8th wonder of the world, she is such a special woman in every meaning of the word. What ever she dose for someone, She always always wants to do that bit more, just to make them happy and see them smile. I know just being with her, makes me so happy, when she gives me that look I just melt. I know that when she reads this, She will say I am building her again, She will just say "I don't want to fall down", But what she dose not see, Even if she did fall, I would catch her and put her right where she belongs, On top.
She knows I love her, The thing With Buttercup she needs to see, Just what a wonderful and special woman she is. The love I have for her is 2nd to none, I will never take her for granted. I will treat every moment with her as it should be. I don't know if people that read this will see just how much I love her, But I hope you can see just what a wonderful woman Buttercup is. THATS WHY EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE WITH HER IS A BIG DAY..........John
Friday, March 04, 2005
A Battle Worth Fighting
Today when John and I were trying to move things along and get one little piece of paper...read his next post... it occurred to me what a battle this all can be at times. Just like running around buildings just to run smack into a wall. Where IS the safe place? We sometimes get so lost in each other, ok, that makes it a bit harder when we see the limits we have on us with regard to time. See, if John is to stay here and not have to go back and not return for 6 months or more, we need to get things moving in the next couple of weeks.
I mean marriage...wedding... omg... (doesn't every woman get excited when you say the word 'wedding'.. hahahaha) Well... this will be a different kind of wedding and to be quite honest, I'm not all that excited about the wedding this time. I am excited about the Marriage! I love this man like I have never loved anyone before and all I can think about is securing our future so we don't have to go through this uncertainty anymore. I want us to be able to move forward and start doing the things that normal people do. But we are in limbo. At the mercy of the government, the attorneys, the mail for heaven's sake. You name it... we have no control over it. It's a position I am definitely not comfortable in. But it is soooooooooo worth it.
When I think about how people tend to judge things because they care about you sometimes. They want what's best for you and they mean well. But they can say awfully hurtful things. I mean, ok, a lot of people have that thing about believing that the only reason two people get married when they are from different countries is so one can get into the other's country to live. Ok.. you want to dispell that myth with me and John... read the next post. I am still in tears when I think of the hurt that man has gone through and continues to go through because of the sacrifices he has made to be with me. It scares me sometimes. But I also think of the times I have considered doing the same for him.
I just love him and I know in my heart of hearts that he loves me and we need each other. That just doesn't always make it so that you don't miss those you leave behind. Life can be so unfair. and yes, I agree with John... it can be so cruel.
My wish is that we get to a point in our life together where we can make it so all of us can be together.. his kids.. my kids.. he and I... the grand kids.. .all of us.. together for a time... just once please...give us that...surely it would not be impossible. It would just mean so much. Now that would be a wedding!
I just love you John.... xxxxxxxxxxx Buttercup
I mean marriage...wedding... omg... (doesn't every woman get excited when you say the word 'wedding'.. hahahaha) Well... this will be a different kind of wedding and to be quite honest, I'm not all that excited about the wedding this time. I am excited about the Marriage! I love this man like I have never loved anyone before and all I can think about is securing our future so we don't have to go through this uncertainty anymore. I want us to be able to move forward and start doing the things that normal people do. But we are in limbo. At the mercy of the government, the attorneys, the mail for heaven's sake. You name it... we have no control over it. It's a position I am definitely not comfortable in. But it is soooooooooo worth it.
When I think about how people tend to judge things because they care about you sometimes. They want what's best for you and they mean well. But they can say awfully hurtful things. I mean, ok, a lot of people have that thing about believing that the only reason two people get married when they are from different countries is so one can get into the other's country to live. Ok.. you want to dispell that myth with me and John... read the next post. I am still in tears when I think of the hurt that man has gone through and continues to go through because of the sacrifices he has made to be with me. It scares me sometimes. But I also think of the times I have considered doing the same for him.
I just love him and I know in my heart of hearts that he loves me and we need each other. That just doesn't always make it so that you don't miss those you leave behind. Life can be so unfair. and yes, I agree with John... it can be so cruel.
My wish is that we get to a point in our life together where we can make it so all of us can be together.. his kids.. my kids.. he and I... the grand kids.. .all of us.. together for a time... just once please...give us that...surely it would not be impossible. It would just mean so much. Now that would be a wedding!
I just love you John.... xxxxxxxxxxx Buttercup
How I Feel Right Now
Well this is just to let people know, how things can hurt. Well today we were trying to get a copy of my birth certificate, easy a? Well we had so many ups and downs, trying to get it, went from crying to joy, back to crying, then jumping for joy again. It was one of my girls' friends that went and got it in the end. Someone I don`t even know. ( will have to get him a few drinks when I meet him )
Then I got to thinking about my kids and my grand kids, how much I miss them, was talking to them on the phone today and my eyes just filled up. Then I was just putting a picture up of my grandson. I just couldn`t help it. I just sat in the chair looking at his face, thinking about the way he calls me pops and always runs to me and hugs me and kisses me...then the tears, how I am crying right now as I write this. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I miss them, miss them so much. I know my kids know just how much I love them, that I have no worries about. Its the hugsssssss and kisses, the laughs.
Trying to think...what are they doing right now? Well I know grand kids will be in bed, God how I wish I could have been there to tuck them in and give them a good night kiss, see you in the morning. Think...what is my son doing right now? Is he out, is he on his x-box? with is girlfriend? Thinking about my girls where are they, well one will be at home, TV on hoping the kids don`t wake up, may have a friend there with her? My other girl may be out with her friends, may be home, may even be at her sisters. (that would be nice if she is)
I miss my kids every day, think about how they are and what they are doing. Me and my kids are very very close, not been away from them this long in a long time. Even as the tears run down my face and I miss my kids so so much, ohhhh I wish we could all be with each other. Now I have kids here too and miss them just as much when I go to England. I have gotten to know Buttercup's kids just as much and miss them too when I don't see them. Cruel world, a? The one thing I do know is that my love for all the kids will always be with them and they all know that. Right now my heart is where it belongs and that's with Buttercup. All the kids know that I am happy in my heart with Buttercup and the one thing that helps is I know they are all happy for us both ......John
Then I got to thinking about my kids and my grand kids, how much I miss them, was talking to them on the phone today and my eyes just filled up. Then I was just putting a picture up of my grandson. I just couldn`t help it. I just sat in the chair looking at his face, thinking about the way he calls me pops and always runs to me and hugs me and kisses me...then the tears, how I am crying right now as I write this. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I miss them, miss them so much. I know my kids know just how much I love them, that I have no worries about. Its the hugsssssss and kisses, the laughs.
Trying to think...what are they doing right now? Well I know grand kids will be in bed, God how I wish I could have been there to tuck them in and give them a good night kiss, see you in the morning. Think...what is my son doing right now? Is he out, is he on his x-box? with is girlfriend? Thinking about my girls where are they, well one will be at home, TV on hoping the kids don`t wake up, may have a friend there with her? My other girl may be out with her friends, may be home, may even be at her sisters. (that would be nice if she is)
I miss my kids every day, think about how they are and what they are doing. Me and my kids are very very close, not been away from them this long in a long time. Even as the tears run down my face and I miss my kids so so much, ohhhh I wish we could all be with each other. Now I have kids here too and miss them just as much when I go to England. I have gotten to know Buttercup's kids just as much and miss them too when I don't see them. Cruel world, a? The one thing I do know is that my love for all the kids will always be with them and they all know that. Right now my heart is where it belongs and that's with Buttercup. All the kids know that I am happy in my heart with Buttercup and the one thing that helps is I know they are all happy for us both ......John
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Waiting, getting Mad and being in Love
Well I am sitting in the apartment on my own and Buttercup is at work. I think about how I would love to be able to go out to work, don't like having to wait for the visa. Its just one of the things that you have to do, plus all the paper work. Then you start to think about all the things that you have left behind. I have said this before, I think about the things you miss, but you are waiting for your life to start. Like all the things you have both talked about. Setting up a home, being with each other, all the dreams that you wish for...but you have to sit and wait for a bit of paper. Then you get people saying "I couldn`t do that" what I say to them is "well I am in love with the woman of my dreams and what ever I have to do to be with her I will.
I know just sitting around can get to people, believe me it gets to me too. The thing is I know in the end I will be happy. That's what keeps me going. We are happy now and we are going though a lot right now, having to phone England for things and they don`t answer...being told we have to have this and that, knowing its back in England and people you talk to can`t find it. It can get very upsetting at times. There are a lot of things to be worked out, the thing that gets us mad is sometimes we have no control of it, we have to wait for others, I am so happy that I have some people in England that can help us.
Sometimes you don`t know if to cry or laugh, but the one thing you can`t do is give up. I think that's why some people do give up. One thing I can tell you is if you love someone as you think you do, you never give up. You just think, right, this is what we will do now. Giving up never comes in to it, well not for me ever. The one thing I do know, is I love Buttercup every day more and more. She is the sunshine of my life. Her heart is so warm and loving. I just feel so safe. That's a big thing for me to say.
The way she makes me feel inside, the only way I can put it is in a way, people who have had kids, the feeling you get when they are born, well with Buttercup I have that feeling all the time. I belong with Buttercup, she's a part of me, she's my safe place, she's my everything.
I was made to be with her, she was the missing part of my life, I always knew she was out there. Now I am with her, there is nothing on this earth that will stop me from showing her every day how much I love her. Some people may say I am mad, weak or romantic or even soft in the head. One thing I will tell you. There was a time when Buttercup called it all off. She sent me a song called Please Remember (crying now as I think about that).
Even then I never give up on her. I can say I have never been hurt as much in my life as I was then. I just broke down in tears, couldn`t eat, couldn`t sleep. Then I said 'ok fine', I am going to the USA and what ever happens I will be there for her. If she has someone and marries them, as long as she is happy. That's when I knew just how much I loved her.
you see it was not just about my feelings. To me it was all about Buttercup being loved and happy. If she was with someone else then it was up to her. I just wanted her loved and happy. I wanted what was best for her and that's the way it's always been with me about her. Oh I know nobody will ever love Buttercup more than me, whoever they are. So I just want people to know just how happy I am. She picked me, and I know she loves me. She has shown me in so many ways. I know just how much I love her...and to Buttercup, I say " I love you more now, than I did this Morning... and I know I will love you more Tomorrow than I do now. I will never stop loving you, and will never let go ever babe.".........John (Let's always just be us)xxxxxxxx
I know just sitting around can get to people, believe me it gets to me too. The thing is I know in the end I will be happy. That's what keeps me going. We are happy now and we are going though a lot right now, having to phone England for things and they don`t answer...being told we have to have this and that, knowing its back in England and people you talk to can`t find it. It can get very upsetting at times. There are a lot of things to be worked out, the thing that gets us mad is sometimes we have no control of it, we have to wait for others, I am so happy that I have some people in England that can help us.
Sometimes you don`t know if to cry or laugh, but the one thing you can`t do is give up. I think that's why some people do give up. One thing I can tell you is if you love someone as you think you do, you never give up. You just think, right, this is what we will do now. Giving up never comes in to it, well not for me ever. The one thing I do know, is I love Buttercup every day more and more. She is the sunshine of my life. Her heart is so warm and loving. I just feel so safe. That's a big thing for me to say.
The way she makes me feel inside, the only way I can put it is in a way, people who have had kids, the feeling you get when they are born, well with Buttercup I have that feeling all the time. I belong with Buttercup, she's a part of me, she's my safe place, she's my everything.
I was made to be with her, she was the missing part of my life, I always knew she was out there. Now I am with her, there is nothing on this earth that will stop me from showing her every day how much I love her. Some people may say I am mad, weak or romantic or even soft in the head. One thing I will tell you. There was a time when Buttercup called it all off. She sent me a song called Please Remember (crying now as I think about that).
Even then I never give up on her. I can say I have never been hurt as much in my life as I was then. I just broke down in tears, couldn`t eat, couldn`t sleep. Then I said 'ok fine', I am going to the USA and what ever happens I will be there for her. If she has someone and marries them, as long as she is happy. That's when I knew just how much I loved her.
you see it was not just about my feelings. To me it was all about Buttercup being loved and happy. If she was with someone else then it was up to her. I just wanted her loved and happy. I wanted what was best for her and that's the way it's always been with me about her. Oh I know nobody will ever love Buttercup more than me, whoever they are. So I just want people to know just how happy I am. She picked me, and I know she loves me. She has shown me in so many ways. I know just how much I love her...and to Buttercup, I say " I love you more now, than I did this Morning... and I know I will love you more Tomorrow than I do now. I will never stop loving you, and will never let go ever babe.".........John (Let's always just be us)xxxxxxxx
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Just Thinking
Well I just want to try and put what I was feeling. We were on our way home from a 40s room meet. We had a great time and all the people at the meet were wonderful and had such a ball. On our way home Buttercup needed to sleep for a bit, so she pulled over near a cafe so I could have a coffee and she could have a sleep.
It was then I got to thinking about just how much I loved being with her, how happy she makes me.
I can be me and not have to worry about it. She lets me have fun, but it's not just that, she's part of it all too. This is all about how she just makes me feel, all the time. I don't know if everyone has it....But when you can be you....God it feels so good. You don't have to start worrying about 'can I do this' 'can I do that', just to be able to be you. That's what Buttercup does. She lets me be me and it feels so wonderful. Its one of the many things I love about her.
Its times like this I just think of how lucky I am to have someone as special as her. I just didn`t know I could love anyone as much as I love her. I do love her --god knows how much I love her and I think she does too. When how I think I was sitting in the car drinking coffee, with Buttercup asleep and I was happy just to be next to her. I don't care where I am in this world as long as I am with her. I know I will be happy. Plus I will do all I can you make her happy too and I will never stop letting her know how much she is loved.
The one thing I have found with Buttercup, what ever I do for her, it makes me happy to she her happy and to see her smile...God that smile just melts me. To hear her laugh, God and she laughs a lot, just warms my heart. I don`t think I will ever be able to put into words just how much I love her.....But one thing for sure is,I will never ever stop trying to show her..........John
It was then I got to thinking about just how much I loved being with her, how happy she makes me.
I can be me and not have to worry about it. She lets me have fun, but it's not just that, she's part of it all too. This is all about how she just makes me feel, all the time. I don't know if everyone has it....But when you can be you....God it feels so good. You don't have to start worrying about 'can I do this' 'can I do that', just to be able to be you. That's what Buttercup does. She lets me be me and it feels so wonderful. Its one of the many things I love about her.
Its times like this I just think of how lucky I am to have someone as special as her. I just didn`t know I could love anyone as much as I love her. I do love her --god knows how much I love her and I think she does too. When how I think I was sitting in the car drinking coffee, with Buttercup asleep and I was happy just to be next to her. I don't care where I am in this world as long as I am with her. I know I will be happy. Plus I will do all I can you make her happy too and I will never stop letting her know how much she is loved.
The one thing I have found with Buttercup, what ever I do for her, it makes me happy to she her happy and to see her smile...God that smile just melts me. To hear her laugh, God and she laughs a lot, just warms my heart. I don`t think I will ever be able to put into words just how much I love her.....But one thing for sure is,I will never ever stop trying to show her..........John
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