Where Have We BEEN???

Long story. I know, it's been a while and well, a lot has happened over the years. Job changes, moving into our house, kids coming and going, struggling with relationship issues ~ you name it. Ok, for the short version. We both work very hard and I am pursuing my bachelor's degree as a full time student in addition to full time employee. This in itself has put quite a strain on us. The thing is, John has been entirely supportive. I just get stressed out. I am a perfectionist and my grades HAVE to be awesome. They have been... hehehe. Majoring in software systems engineering is not easy. Oh boy, is that an understatement. I'm taking 2-3 classes at a time in order to get my degree in 3 years instead of 4. Brutal. So in the last 2 years I have been taking as much time away from the computer as I can after the usual 12 or more hours a day I am on it for work or school. Hence, the omissions from updating our story as it has unfolded.

On a happy note, we are doing GREAT! We had a period there where I was doubting. I have some serious trust issues and sometimes it is easier for me to decide something is not good enough, or right, than it is to accept that I have something I am afraid of losing. Well, I have been awful to poor John and he stuck through it all and we are definitely stronger for it.

Now I won't go so far as to say that meeting someone online is definitely the way to go. Many of our challenges still come from our cultural differences and the 'physical' learning about each other's habits and backgrounds. While we have less problems with communication as a whole than most couples I suppose, since we were busy doing that while a 'traditional' meeting and relationship setting would have allowed for the physical part. Still, since we started our journey we have found maybe one or two other couples who met online and are still together. None that have come as far as we have and over as long a period of time, but still, they exist. More so now than ever. Where else do you meet anyone these days? Bars are full of people, but you have to make sure the lifestyle they present is one that is agreeable to you. The library? Yeah, right. I mean, it's possible I suppose, but really?

Facebook is becoming a way for mutual friends to hook up. At least there you can learn a bit about someone BEFORE they've met you - and know that is the real them - since most people will somewhat 'tailor' themselves to the person they want to date. In fact, the more I think about it, that's an excellent benefit of meeting someone and becoming friends on established Facebook pages.

Our life is good. Very good lately in fact. Things have settled down for us and we are focused now on 'living' our life. We have good weekends with the kids and the dogs and friends. We work around the house. We cook (when he lets me...lol)... and we deal with all the normal stuff people deal with. We have even been called a pattern for the perfect married couple by close friends. How about that?

Lovin' it...

Buttercup

Time has FLOWN by....

We are still in love. My daughter sits next to me and is amazed at this blog. She didn't realize how much was written and how much we had gone through that is documented in this place. As I read through a few of the comments with her I realized that in some way we not only were doing this for ourselves, but for those others out there who may share our experiences in a similar manner. It is with these thoughts that I have decided to revisit, no - resume, the story as it continues to unfold.

I will have to qualify that first sentence now. Everyone knows that you fall in love with someone, but that kind of love fades into a different kind of love, right? Well, that's what I mean then. We have come from being hopelessly and desperately in love to loving one another in a way that often causes us to smile at one another with a sign of remembrance of that desperation and that added ingredient shines through in our smiles - the added thing that says "we have come through the fire...and we are still alive!"

I'm excited about picking this back up...

Buttercup

Update --- wow! it's been a while

Yeah, we are still making it! Surprised? Well, quite frankly, with all we've gone through we still find ourselves surprised as well...but we're getting through all the muck and we keep coming out on top.

All things considered I would say this is certainly not the BEST way to meet someone, and I think I've stressed that previously...but for us, it was the only way. I'm sitting here and in front of me on my desk I see the immigration pile... yes, still working on that part... and our usual bills and stuff and I think, MAN have we come a long way!!!

These days we are working a lot, too much it seems, and just dealing with the lousy economy like everyone else, with the added stress of struggles with the ex and battles over the kids and 'how come you left those dishes in there for me to wash?' and that kinda stuff. Life, in other words.

So, having just come back from walking the dogs, I am off to do whatever needs to be done for this day --- probably dishes and laundry! LOL

But it's my day off after all and he'll be home later and we can be husband and wife and that is a good thing.

Good luck to all reading this... may you be as blessed as we are.

Buttercup

Progress Report September 1, 2007

Ok, someone told me I needed to update this. So here goes. Where are we now?

Oh boy, where do I begin? Life is good, take that back, it's awesome. We're talkin' found the pot at the end of the rainbow kinda stuff. Know what I mean?

Now don't get me wrong. Every rainbow requires a little rain and we've not only had our share, but we still get rained on from time to time. Sometimes it's a downright downpour. But I'll take it. When the good's good, it's REAL good. We've got an awesome umbrella.

Enough with the metaphors. We have been way too busy living to take the time to document it and I apologize to some degree for that. I do realize that our experience has given hope to some, confirmation I guess. A bad thing can pave the way for a good one. We are both working hard, trying to get ahead financially like the majority of the population. Failing miserably, also like most of the population. But we're not giving up. We've got too much yet to accomplish.

It seems like forever ago that we were standing in that 'storage room' in our street clothes making our union legal. (I'm smiling now)

Wow, I guess it's official then. We're making it. We're thriving in the impossibilities. Things have actually become sorta 'normal' for us. In a good way. We have a lot of drama still. Mostly stemming from the fact that I have an ex who still tries to control my life --- well, again, like so much of the population. We are motivated by our kids however, and they give us such joy!

Ok, you've got the gist of it. We're fine. Moving ahead. Full steam.

Now I can get some sleep. (smiling again)

Best wishes for all of you.... Buttercup

February 3, 2007 ... Still Here!!!

We are still here.. still in love, still amazed at what we have done... and still thinking about that book. Would you read it?

If we started out with where we were when we first found reason to even get online, and realized there IS more out there, would you be interested?

Consider this. Millions of people find themselves at a point in their lives where they think to themselves, 'Is this really it?' ...they look at their options... they KNOW that others spend countless hours wasting their time online just looking for someone to spend a little time with... hoping to find the one thing they crave... misery loves company. Wait, did I say 'wasting' their time? Hmmm Maybe not. Maybe there is something to being able to connect. Connecting with someone, near or far, has always brought joy to well anyone. Finding someone who just simply 'gets' you just brings a smile to your face even now. Admit it. Yeah, you have to wade through a lot of junk, but the antique dealer finds that really rare find now and then and it's all worth it. LOL I'm not an antique... but I personally get the point.

It's the same thing in all aspects of life and yeah, you can claim the ole "Ya gotta kiss a lotta frogs" theory and apply it if you have to. But it's true.

Here we have the newest resource. The most misunderstood and demonized resource. Something that can be at once beautiful and sordid. A venue for the wicked and the wondrous. Naive and predatory. Been to a bar lately?

Point is this. New stomping grounds, new prey - opportunity - hope. Just realize one thing. Of those three options, someone is seeing it the same way as you are and whether or not you will connect with that person may be a crap shoot and CAN be devastating if you are not savvy enough about life in this day and time to recognize dangers... but on the other hand....

Imagine you ARE savvy enough to weed out the mindless chatter and happen upon someone who presents that very thing you are seeking... a listener... a connection... a true heart... someone who needs as you need ... and is WORTHY.

Now you have something. Rare as anything you ever imagined. But possible.

Maybe you rather try the lottery? Might be a good idea.

Ever hear about stories where someone makes millions with a simple enough idea and you think 'Why didn't I come up with that?' ... well. It takes commitment and courage and honest-to-goodness smarts. You can't just go in blindly and think it will happen to you if you wade throught the muck long enough... (DUH)

But damn, if it just wasn't possible you could let it go.

Now to the good stuff.

Not only is it possible, but it happens every day. To the wise. To the relentless. To the hopeless romantics that go in with eyes WIDE open. Do you posses those qualities? If yes, forget the negative, watch carefully for the good, the true, the honest faults and the reality.

We found it. It happens. It lives on. We are more blessed than one can possibly imagine. But you better imagine it. Or it may never ever happen to you.

I'm inspired by John and I spending an hour or so talking about why anyone would want to read a book about our humble lives and our tumultuous struggle... and our utimate endless love and state of assurance ... we did the right thing. We are together... still... and testifying every day to what can happen. If you only believe and use your head... and never give up.

Try it.

xoxoxoxo

Buttercup aka Christine

Time for an Important Update

Ok, Ok, it FINALLY happened! John got his permanent residency approved!!! This is so long in coming -- we are naturally overjoyed!

It took 4 Politicians. Go figure.

Yep. That part is finally done. We got down to the wire too. Our attorney abandoned us. John's work permit was about to expire. Finances were in turmoil and we had to come up with $180 to file for a renewal on the work permit because we still had not heard any news about the status of his permanent residence. Finally we got tough and contacted a local senator who in turn faxed 2 others on a federal level. Then, when we got even more impatient, I contacted yet another one. In the end it took a little more than a week for the government to get off their collective butts and give us a response. And joyfully it was favorable.

Now the next hurdle is to get John his gun license so he can start a new job that was offered to him as an armed guard. Suitable as he used to guard the crown jewels.

Finances are still a struggle. That's putting it mildly really. We'll overcome that as well. Now that we have a few more successes behind us we can go forward with a bit more confidence and hope that in the end we will have accomplished what we were told would never happen. Whew.

Well, it's off to work again, but I just had to get this written as it's time to move forward again... wish us luck in the next phase.

Always grateful for your comments and well wishes,

Buttercup

Memphis Interview

We were in Memphis this week for the immigration interview that should have given John his permanent residency. We got someone who apparently is making it his life's work to put fear and uncertainty in couples like us who are just trying to do things legally and by the book. It was a hard trip.

We have to wait now. We will get a letter after this guy reviews our file (life) again to determine if he will be approved or denied. The interviewer went so far as to tell John that if he was denied, they would come pick him up and send him back to England. Naturally I was sitting there crying my eyes out at this guy's cold and heartless demeaner and the way he acted as if our life was in his hands and his alone. Needless to say, it was a long 10 hour drive home.

John was fine. Well, ok, he did try to put diesel in my car after pulling into a gas station on the wrong side of the pump and taking the keys out while it was still in drive...first time I ever saw him visibly shaken.

Just having to wait now.

Guess we will be getting something in the mail. An envelope. A letter. News from the government telling us if we will be allowed to continue to live together. Gotta love the government.

Take it as you Read it

You know, do we ever have any idea? Do you ever dream about your true love? Are you with your true love? They say you only live once, well let me ask you this. Do you live your life or do you just do the same thing day in day out? Is life a routine? Do you wake up thinking here we go? Do you live your life or do you just drag yourself through day to day? You could be that one that as you see it, love will never happen. Well let me ask you one last thing. What would you do if you found love, real love, the love you dream about, how far would you go? How easy would you find it to give up on it? (ok i know there was more than one question there) what I am trying to say is, how far would you go if you found love, plus if you did find it, would you realy go that far?

Well for me life and every day will never be the same. You may say "yes you are one of the lucky ones, that will never happen to me, no one will love me that much." Well what if you did, what if they loved you that much, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Well I will tell you. Yes I know it's not going to be easy, but in your dream didn't you say you would do anything for the love of your life??? (or did you not mean it) Yes I am one of the lucky ones and the reason is coz when I found my love, I mean my true love, nothing was going to stop me, and it didn't. Every day I wake up. Everyday is different, no day is the same. You know it, it's always if I could hold you, kiss you again. Well I don't think like that anymore. I think God I can't wait till the next time.

From day one, the every first time I talked to Buttercup, my heart has made a sound it had never made before. Iit was the sound of true love. It knew were it wanted to be. ALL I AM GOING TO SAY IS BUTTERCUP IS MY TRUE LOVE, NOTHING AND NOTHING, NO DAY WILL EVER BE THE SAME,I HAVE FOUND MY TRUE LOVE, MY HEART KNOWS WHERE IT BELONGS. EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY.--------------------BUTTERCUP I LOVE YOU ALWAYS, MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW,I LOVE YOU FROM THIS MOMENT ON AND ALWAYS ALWAYS MORE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Am I Acting Funny?

Well a lot of people have been asking me "what's up?" I keep saying "I am ok" but i don't think that is the truth. I think I am starting to get a bit worried, when you think of how far we have come and all we have been through, all the things we have to get over. It's all going to come down to some guy or woman that I don't even know or have ever met.

When you think it may not matter how we feel, it could all come down to someone in a bad mood or if they like you or not. Will they be able to see just how much we love each other, how we want to spend the rest of our lives together? I have even had it asked "Did you do it to get into the USA?" All that tells me is that they don't know me one bit.

I am a very proud Englishman. I was in the army and was in the first gulf war and was a guard for the royal family. After that I had a good job and my own home, loved being with my kids every day, playing with my grandkids. Plus I loved my dog Eric (he was more than a dog to me, he was a mate.) Then there are all my mates I had to leave. Keith was a great mate, miss him a lot. So the answer to it is no no no I didn't move here and do all this just to get into the USA. I would have moved to the North Pole if that is were Christine would had been from.

So maybe I am acting a bit funny, plus I am a bit worried. The thing is I LOVE HER and will do whatever it takes to be with her for the rest of my life.

So sorry if I am acting a bit funny Babe, it's just I am worried.

----------------

Buttercup's response:

Babe, I know... I know. But we did not come this far to lose it all so easily, whatever happens, as it has been this far, we will get over... we will not let go. You know my heart. You know my dreams and how they are impossible to achieve without you. You are my life now.. together we can do anything!

Don't worry honey, it's gonna be ok. We can do this. We WILL do this. They will see and understand as all our friends and family have seen. Think of how all our friends and family that have told each of us that they have never seen us so happy as when we are together. Strangers can see it, people in bad moods change their moods inspired by it.

I love you.

Grandkids!! What joy to wake up and have Christmas with the little ones!
 

Pops with Carrie, Paul, Leah and Little Scott
 

John and Buttercup - Christmas 2005 - XOXOXOX
 

HOW THINGS ARE GOING

Well not had the time to write anything for some time(working most of the time). Well me and Buttercup are as strong as ever, I still wake up every day and look at her, think just how beautiful she is and just how much l love her. The love inside me just grows and grows, the love is like a wild white water river, rushing and flowing and never stops.

Well our xmas was great Carrie and the grandkids were here for 2 weeks,with Paul, all came over from England. First time Buttercup had met them all, they all got on great. Carrie also got to meet her new brothers and her new sister. It was so good to see them all getting on so well. Then came the time for them all to go back, yes before you all ask, yes, l did cry. l was doing so well until the grandkids started to cry, that did me in. The hurt inside me was just too much, I didn't want to let go of them and seeing Carrie trying to not cry too, well i just couldn't help it. Then the other day Buttercup found one of their toys, l had to go off and have a bit of a cry.

l know we still have a lot to get over, got the interview on the 25th jan. l will be glad when all that is over. lt's as if we are still under a cloud.W hen all that is over with then we can start to move on. lt's going to be a big thing for us, God, to just see how far we have come.

We know just how lucky we are, all the things we have had to do and all we have had to get over. l never in all my dream ever thought I would ever have anyone as wounderful and as beautiful as Buttercup. l still can't put it into words just how much l love her, she is the light of my life. l do want to spend the rest of my life with her. l don't even like going to work,l just want to spend every second, every moment with her. Her smile just lights me up. The warm in her heart, the way she holds me, the love inside me for her, lt's like time, it's never ending. lt will never end, it just grows and grows, gets stronger and stronger. She is my 8th wonder of the world, she is my world. Well l will try to write again soon.

Buttercup l love you more ;)))))))))))))) x x x x x x x x x x

Update... it's been Soooo long I know, I know...

Well, just a quick update, we are still churning along. I say churning because the ups and downs just simply do not stop. One day to the next, an adventure of all sorts. Alice in Wonderland has NOTHING on us! hahaha..

Well we are scheduled to go to Memphis on January 25th for our "interview" with the government. Gee, you think they'll believe us when we tell them "Yes, we have been together and actually married and living together all this time... Oh, you want pictures???" and we send them to the last room meet site... See it HERE... yeahhhhhhhh they will see something there alright... hahahaha omg!!!!!

Well, all's well that keeps breathing I say! We are breathing still.. sometimes I admit, it seems we are surrounded by dumpsters, but hey! other times, we are in a field of wildflowers... beautiful...

Our friends have really encouraged us every step of the way. Friends from online, friends in the day-to-day real life. It helps. I guess it helps tremendously. Yeah.

I was talking to someone at work today. New job. He asked how I met John... omg what a question. He was so intrigued and having met John.. he just smiled and nodded his head... someone nearby overheard us talking about it and asked some questions... I remember telling her - yeah, he left everything he had in England. I think telling her that reminded me what a tremendous sacrifice he had made. She said "I could never do that"... and I thought to myself, yeah, most people wouldn't.

He did though.

We still struggle. Money problems mostly. ha! and they say the internet is evil! ...money problems... that's where the devil REALLY lives.

Well, I'm off to listen to some tunes... gonna walk around our apartment a bit and look at our pictures framed and placed all over the place. Reminisce a bit before he gets home.. he should be here shortly.

He's a treasure...

hugssssssss and xxxxxxxxxxxxx to you all.

Buttercup

Zonker, Foghorn and SirJOHN 

So You Think You Want To Find Love Online?

Well, just wanted to update our progress. Happily, John is working full time now and lovin' it! He's working for a huge car dealership and while it does require he wear a tie everyday, he looks soooooooooooooo good, and is amazing at it! I feel like we have truly turned a corner and will soon be back on our feet financially which will take so much pressure off.

Hearing so many stories on the news of people who are awaiting their permanent status after a year or more is a bit frightening. We take so much for granted. ...and ignorance is not ALWAYS bliss. Especially when it costs you. Needless to say, we ask a lot of questions these days and keep our eyes peeled for news stories, articles, and other sources that mention anything to do with immigration.

I suppose the most incredible thing that has come out of all of this is still the fact that we keep waking up... looking at each other... and thinking "Oh My God! I LOVE YOU!" ... it is absolutely astounding to me to think that I spent so much of my life dreaming of a 'partnership' like this - always believing in the back of my mind that it HAD to be possible - and as the layers continue to come off and we see more and more of each other on a daily basis I can honestly (fighting tears here) without a doubt say that I have found the love of my life.

People still comment in the room about how awesome it is that we have met each other, and I can't agree more. But still, I would never ever recommend going into a chatroom to actually find the love of your life. I know, that's not fair for me to say in a way, but I can't help it. When I see all the failed attempts to recreate what John and I have found... the broken hearts... the dissallusion....the deception... it is like trying to find a real diamond in a vast field of crystals. The light can play on it, make the crystals appear to be the real thing, we all WANT that real diamond! So often we allow ourselves to believe we have it... clutched in our hands. Sometimes we don't even take a close look, knowing that we might see flaws that are easily seen with the naked eye.

The online thing is so strange sometimes. You have people coming in who are shy, afraid to speak, just watching. Others who have no fear because they know they are protected by their own screens, anonymous, and seemingly unreachable. Those are the ones who often prey on the rest, taking advantage of their naivity. Then there are those who come in, needing the conversation, just wanting to spend some time away from their own worries. They can share things online that perhaps their real lives don't allow them to share. It's an outlet... a very much needed one. There are angels in there, and devils, innocent bystanders, and souls with barely a thread of hope left, partiers, perverts, you name it. All in one place.. with different backgrounds and different agendas.

If you do not think about that when you go into a chat room you will be easy prey indeed. It takes time to get to know people, not a few hours, not a few days, not a few months... and when the people you are getting to know are 'behind' their monitors, you have to accept the fact that you are only really getting to know a few aspects of their whole personality. It's easy to be someone else. Very easy. Real life is so much harder.

Just keep that in mind if you are reading our blog and thinking you might like to find love online. It can happen. It DOES happen. A lot even. But don't think for a minute there is such a thing as 'love at first type'. It doesn't exist. You might find someone who shares your sense of humor, your level of compassion and intelligence, and perhaps not even be geographically challenged... but real love, will take a lot of dedication and certainty. That last bit, so important. The certainty. You gotta dig deep into your own feelings and refuse to ignore the warnings.

The most awesome thing you can do in a chatroom is to be open minded, friendly, forgiving, and realistic. Realize that people who visit chat rooms come in for a myriad of reasons and not everyone shares your point of view. Not everyone is looking for love.. or sex... or even simple fun. Some come in to vent, some come in to practice deception and to strike out at anyone for something that might have happened in their own lives. Just know that it's a place of many wonders.. it's highly (understatement of the year) addictive, and at times very dangerous.

Be careful... but don't be afraid to sit back and watch and learn and then contribute. You may be one of the lucky ones that goes in eyes wide open and manages to spot that rare and perfect diamond sitting there waiting just for you...

To close, let me just say this. I cannot believe how many people I have 'met' through that room. People who I think about on a daily basis, who are now a part of my life because I care about them, worry when they hurt, laugh with when they laugh, and long to hug in real life. You all know who you are, because I don't hold back hahahahahaha... right? I love you all, and feel so blessed to know you.

John, babe, you are my heart. I can't ever be apart from you now, my life is so in you, you have permeated my soul and remind me every day what true love is supposed to feel like - livin' it and lovin' it.

I love you John.

Christine aka Buttercup

XOXOXOXOXOX

At Last! ... Well OK, We're Not There Yet...

Funny how just when you think - At Last! ...something comes along to remind you that you haven't quite gotten there yet. The good news is that at least there is progress.

John (love of my life) has finally received his work authorization card and we did not have to drive the 6 hours to Memphis to get it! That truly is a blessing. We were so excited to have this phase finally coming together! But wait! Grrr... can't apply for the Social Security card until you have the work authorization card in hand and gee, wouldn't you know it, can't work until you have the social security number. Sighhhh...

Ok he has been so patient - he's a saint in that department I can tell ya! I don't know how he keeps his cool - most patient man on the planet I think. He watches me going around ranting and raving and panicking as those who know me well have seen me do many times... and yet, he manages to take me into his arms, hush me, and ensure me that everything will be alright. I feel so safe there. This man is transforming me into somebody I did not know I could be. This love container is sure to burst one of these days - can feel it welling up in me even now. Amazing the level of emotion we share.

Anyway, he has been volunteering his time, trying to make the days go by faster until he can work. He has had 3 interviews so far and has been offered all 3 jobs... they want him. But he has to have that damned social security number first. So he waits. Patiently. He even travelled the 3 miles to go down and donate blood after we saw an ad from the Red Cross saying how desperately they needed his blood type. He went in the rain, determined to do some good with his spare time. They turned him away. No social security number. Does that stink or what????? (holding back on the ranting and raving now)

I guess if you think about it, there are a lot of worse things people can go through... LOTS. I mean, all said, we have a love that I truly believe is something few will ever have and it saddens me to know that, but I think it's true. So few people are willing to honestly do what it takes to find that one person and then suffer whatever it takes to be with them. All that he's given away. All that he's left. The sacrifices we have both made in time, money, frustration and untold days and nights of absolute misery when we couldn't be together... all so worth it now.

Sometimes I just sit and look out the window at my office and think about how far we've come. It floors me. And how we forget when we are going about our daily things... laughin' together, cooking together, laying around in each others arms... yeah, it's a luxury, and we make the most of every minute we are together. We are very selfish with our time. We love friends that drop by, but often we steal glances each letting the other know that it would be so great to just run into the back and snuggle on the bed, watch a movie and fall asleep in each other's arms.

I love him.

When I think about how far we still have to go... well, it's getting easier to see the light now, I will admit that. We have to come up with a second car, insurance, financial restructuring (great way to say 'recover from a major financial loss'), and hopefully find a way to get a house and have a place so we can get the kids over from England at some point. We have lots of dreams to make come true and we are apparently determined enough to accomplish anything now. We are living proof.

Well Aaron, I promised you hon, I wrote.... sorry it took so long. Your dad just keeps me soooooooooooo occupied... lol... Love you, and your sisters, and will jump for joy when the day comes when I can finally tell you that in person while wrapping you up in a huge hug!

John, babe, my heart burns for you and I thank God everyday for bringing you to me and for waking up places in my soul that had gone to sleep in hopelessness.... you are what was always missing in my life and I will cherish you every day anew.

All my love,

Christine
XOXOXOXOXOX

aka Buttercup ;o)

The Ups and Downs

Well not been on for some time. The good news is I have my Employment card. Plus I have have been offered a job, as a car salesman. Looking forward to it. Never done it before. Always trying something new. The down to it all is to do with the paper work. Can't work now till I get my social security number. Just hope it will not take long.

Well like the heading says the ups and downs, just seem's everytime we think we are getting there, something pulls us right down again. We know we are getting closer and closer to what we want. Just would be wonderful to get a up without the down. God, wouldn't that be nice.

The other down is just knowing, how far away my kid's are. When you just want to hold them and let them know just how much you miss them. I know my son could do with me there right now, misses his dad. I was not just his dad, we are mates too, close mates. Plus knowing he is not happy, hurts me more than he knows. Times like this all you want to do is hold him and just let him know how much he is loved, to be there and just pick him up when he feels down.

I know all my kids know how much I miss them and love them. Plus all the mum's and dad's will know what I mean, when I say "If your kids are 1 or 61, they are still your babies. Me and Buttercup, would have all the kids in a shot if we could.

When you think of just how far me and Buttercup have come, after all we have to get over, all we are waiting for now is one slip of paper. That one bit of paper is all that is holding us up now, as soon as we get that, we can live our lives the way we want. One of our dreams is to have all the kids together for a few weeks, we are getting there and we WILL get there...............John

Stronger and Stronger

Well have not done a post for a bit. Have been busy, trying to work out a few things, to get what Buttercup and I want, seems to get harder and harder. Money is the big one, didn't think is was going to take this long, to get the papers so I could work, this puts a lot on to Buttercup. I can't leave the USA, plus I can't work without the papers. Yet people just seem to take their time, with what we need. The USA, will let some people work over here without the right papers and do nothing about it. There are people here working, driving and living without all the right papers, even killing and nothing is done, yet to try to do it the right way, all they do is mess you about and take their time with the paper work.

The USA government are just like any other government, laid back and tell you all the things you have to do and when they want them done by, then just leave you waiting, there is nothing you can do, to make it go faster.

The one thing is, the love Buttercup and I have just gets stronger and stronger. We try to take every day as it comes. I know the government try all they can to put you off, trying to make sure that what you have is true, not just doing it to get into the USA. I also know that a lot of things changed after 9/11, which it did all over the world, more in the USA and England. I was in the first Gulf war. You think that it would make it a bit easier, well no it does not. I just don't understand how someone can get in the USA without papers, work and live for years and never get found out. The USA government knows it is going on and do nothing about it, it's as if some people in the USA want it, lower wages and all that. Then when you try to do it all the right way, its like they say "ok, now we have all the paperwork off you and you have done all we have asked you to do, just go over in than corner and we will call you" what they don't tell you is just how long they are going to leave you waiting.

Well I just know that the love Buttercup and I have will get us over all this. When we do, we can live the life we both want, all that we are going though, will just makes us stonger and stronger, nothing will pull us apart, whatever they do. We will grow old with each other and be loved and be happy :)))))))))))))).........John

A Book

Well sat here, thinking if we could make all this into a book. Not that I am very good at writing, then the spellings, well think Buttercup will get me over that hurdle. Plus where would we start it? I just know what we have is so very special in every way and think it would be nice to share it, we have had to get over so many things and still have a few left to get over.


When I think of the times before I met her, how down I would be, how inside me I knew something was missing, oh I did what everyone does at the time, telling myself" things will get better" but as we know they never did. Plus how did I know they would get worse and they did, when I think of how low I got. Then after the very first time I talked to Buttercup online, I knew from then on, she was the one. Its no good asking me how I knew, I just did. She was my soul mate and I knew it, the fact she lived in the USA and I was in England, was not going to stop me, letting her know, just want she meant to me. I knew there was going to be lots of ups and downs, oh yes I know I could have got hurt, plus I know I was going to have to leave my kids behind. That is one hurdle that was going to hurt, I miss them every day, the hugs and loving, but I know deep down I am where I belong, plus I know my kids know that too and they are happy for me.

So how do you put all your feelings in to words? so it makes a book. I think it would make a great book, as its real life, none of it is made up, if you have looked at any of the other things we have written, you can see its from the heart. I just want the world to see, just how much in love we are, plus to give others hope.

Even now trying to think of how to put this into a book, just looking at my wedding ring, she's my wife, God, she's my wife. how happy that makes me feel, now how do I put that into words? Plus how to put into words how she makes me feel from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed, how cuddling or just holding hands, how it just all fits, like we made for each other. Like how when we are cuddling, just never want it to stop, just want to spend my life cuddling Buttercup, when we cuddle, its as if the hole world is right. When I am with Buttercup my whole world is safe, I have someone that's loves me in every way I love her and more.

Well now you all know that we are thinking of making it into a book.......John

Amazed at the Feedback

I gotta tell ya... I am amazed. Now I was expecting some feedback. I was expecting positive stuff mixed in with a lot of negative, but man oh man, I had no idea what a response we would get from blogging our lives and what we are going through having met online.


The outpouring of support is truly inspiring. Times can be so hard for us and most of it stems from the very fact that we DID meet online. The part about coming from different countries is hard enough, but it's the criticism that we sometimes get in the 'real world' (and I use that term loosely) that really wears us down. It appears that people who have spent any time online at all can appreciate the dynamics of the 'online world' and recognize the real accomplishments we have made.

Bottom line - I am tickled pink. I never really knew how many people would wish us well and take the time to comment or leave a message for us in our guestbook. It just amazes me. So much bad in the world and then you get this humongous ray of sunshine that comes from a place that so many who don't understand it call dark and dangerous. The fools. I won't go into that right now, but I love to argue with someone who calls the internet evil. lol...

John and I are still struggling, but we are being carried on the wings of those who care enough to recognize our struggles, sympathize with us, cheer us on, and take our message to others who don't believe that what we have is truly possible.

John, I love you babe, and I believe what we have will stand the test of time. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Buttercup

There is always hope

This is to the ones that think there is nothing out there. I have been there, thinking I was a failure, that I was going to grow old on my own. The times I sat there thinking who would want me, why would anyone want me? Plus I have seen people thinking everyone they meet is the one. The one thing I have found out about love is it finds YOU. Thats the beautiful thing about love, it creeps up on you and covers you. I do wish everyone in the world could find real love, but the world is not that fair.


As we all know finding Mr or Mrs Right is hard. I also think that many of us have given someone all the love, only to find out it was all one way. I think that is one thing that people never forget. The being taken in and the hurt. ( just laughing here, song just came on, one of mine and Buttercup's song Inside out, hahahahahahaha)

The thing is with on line, which Buttercup has said in one of her blogs "you can be who ever you want and no one knows" That is so truth. Going on line to find someone, is not a good thing to do, I'm not saying it a bad thing to go on line, just be careful. I think to find a relationship on line is very hard thing to do. When you think that they could be on the other side of the world, you can't just get on a bus to go and see them, I should know.

I think a lot of people try to hard to find love, just let it find you. You never know where it going to come from, it could be someone down the street, someone at work or someone on the other side of the world, may even be someone you all ready know. What you do have to do is love yourself first, once you love you, then you have a chance of someone else loving you. The best thing is not to rush anything, just take every day as it comes. If you do meet someone or start to talk to someone, just take your time, get to know them, the real them, the worst thing you can do, is think its Mr or Mrs right. A lot of people go on line to get away from the world they are in, plus a lot of people are not who they seem, never forget that. Just remember when you meet someone on line its not like meeting someone in a bar.

The big thing you after remember is you are not alone, millions of people are in the same boat as you, sometimes one or two of us get thrown a life jacket, without any holes in it, well Buttercup is my life jacket. She pulled me up and covers me with love, a love I didn't know could be real. I'm sure there is someone out there for everyone, we just have to learn to take our time, just look at how many things we miss in life when we rush. Like I have said "if you want someone to love you, you after love you first" Just never give up on hope.........John

44 Today!

Well as you can see from the heading, its my birthday today. The day has got off to a great start, as Buttercup`s first day at her new job. The day has been great so far, Buttercup was leaving me cards all over the place, messages on MSN and yahoo. The best thing of all was waking up and being kissed by her, that made my day. Just to think of how far we have come, still have a lot to do.

The last week or so, me and Buttercup have had so much time with each other, got to a point last night, we need something from the shop. Buttercup was going to go on her own, we just looked at each other and we both went, hahahahahahaha. The more time we have with each other, the more time we want, we can't get enough.

I know people will think. People will say "well you two are in your first years" or "its all new" All I can say to that is this is real love. Its more than that, it's knowing you have your soul mate. When I think of how many things we have had to get over, the hurt we have had, its not been easy for us. We just never give up on what we have, even at times in the beginning. When we both thought it couldn't work or we couldn't love each other that much. We always came back to each other. When I think of the times I was back in England, I never at any time gave up on us.

I think the guys will know what I mean when I say this "now I am with Buttercup, I never think of looking at another woman. She's never off my mind at any time. I feel complete. She was the missing link in my life." Just hope that sounds the way it was meant.

What I am trying to say is "that she is my dream woman, my life and my soul, my mind and heart and soul are at peace, they are where they belong and that's with Buttercup" God I am in love with Buttercup more than anyone can dream of, Buttercup to you, I love you more than words can say, but I will every day try to show you and try to make every day a special one............... John xxxxxx

Progress IS being made... One Step At A Time!

Well, time is moving along and while it's still a waiting game, we ARE making progress!

John is working on getting established through soccer, driving, and getting to know his new neighbors...

We are still waiting for news on the work permit, and all sorts of other paperwork, but it'll happen!


While we wait, we are learning about selling on E-Bay, making our home perfect for the kids, looking forward to visits from England, and well, just taking advantage of every minute we have together.

We've made lots of friends and are constantly amazed at the others we have met here locally who have either met someone online or know someone close to them who is another example of online success! A very positive and encouraging thing.

It's been a while since I've written, but then, when you are having so much fun just living your life, it's hard to stop and sit long enough to do this... but I'll try to get better at it. I think it's important to let others know that life can come to you in so many incredible ways, and for us, this has been the life we have always wanted... He's what I've always wanted and when we are finally all settled in (does that ever really happen???) I know we will look back on these days and just smile... well, we'll fall down laughing and end up...oh hahahaha.... never mind....

Keep the faith...

Loving him,

Buttercup

A New Emblem for England?

Joseph and his Valentine Dog, of course there is also the newest addition to my car...lol...


We got this at the mall, the license plate that is... lol...

Now it sits at the back of my car... and in the window... alongside his white cowboy hat and my red one...

We are working on getting everything changed over to my new name now... gotta love it. So many things to do, always busy here. I guess that's a good thing.

Spring has sprung and the weather is allowing us to enjoy the beauty of this part of the country... I have the sunburned arms to prove it!

Between soccer games, walks in the park, just driving around.. it's all good.

Livin' and lovin' it...

Buttercup

Feelings

I am sat here on a hot summer's day, birds singing, Buttercup working away on her pc, feeling just so happy. When I just think of how happy I am, the times I had dreamt of being like this. Beinging loved in a way I never knew, always thinking it only happened in the films.

I think we all think that until it happens to us, god and when it does, the feelings are just so wonderful. All through life men and women have tried to write books or songs or make films, trying to show us all about being in love. When you read the books or hear the songs or see the films, we all think why can't that happen to me. I know most people want just to be happy, don't we all. I know men want to be the knight on the white horse or be the hero, thats life. thats why we like the songs, books and films. They all put us in a world that we dream about, it takes you away from the normal way of life, you are the guy in the film or the woman.

Well I am a very very romantic person, we have all been there, the romantic meals, low lights, the music in the background. Then again how many times have you done all that, then thought whats the point? Then in the end you just give up, back to the normal boring way of life.
Well now I am one of those people who does not dream about being with my soulmate, my true love. The reason is, I found her and am with her. She's everything I have ever wanted, She's just everything. My feelings for her are just so true, my heart has always been her's.

I can put my hand on my heart and say I am in love with my soulmate and she's my wife. Even my kids can see and hear it in my voice just how happy I am. I think that's the feeling you get when you find your love, you can't put it into words or a book or on a film. They are just there inside you and you both have them, that's why you don't need the dreams anymore... plus every moment with them is romantic, that's always there...........John

Dreams

I just wanted to let people out there, who think that they are alone and think that there is nothing out there for them, may even think that they will never find love. Well you are not alone and never give up on finding love. There are millions of people who think the same way. I was one of those people, oh I have been there, looking at myself, thinking who would want this. Before that I was married, doing what a lot of people do, just going along with life, doing the normal everyday things. When it all ended, it was upsetting, but at the same time was a relief, I didn't have to go along with things I didn't like anymore. I could do what I wanted to do, buy things I wanted, go and do what ever I wanted.


I got to that much of a low, I was drinking a lot and I mean way to much. Working and looking after my kids and drinking whenever I was alone. Thinking life was the pits, looking at myself, thinking this is what my life has come to. Oh I have been there crying, feeling sorry for myself, no light at the end of the tunnel. Was at that much of a low, don't think at one time I would still be here. I know it gets bad, at times would look around and think what's it all for, there as to be more to life than this. Plus everyone else would have the luck, but never me, everyone else was better off than me. Yes like most people all I wanted was to be with the love of my life. To hold her, laugh and smile, just to be happy, you all know what I mean. The thing was I didn't know who the love of my life was, she was just in my head.

Then when I did find her, just my luck, she was 3500 miles away. Then that's when it all hit me, oh I could feel sorry for myself and just walk away. Just let her go and get on with life, thinking of what may have been. Yes all my friends told me I was mad, people told me I was out of my mind, some even told me I needed to grow up. What they didn't understand, don't even think she did at first, she was everything to me.

Thats when life started for me, when she came into my life. I saw the world and everything in it in a different light. I didn't care or want anything in life as much as I wanted her. So I had to think, do I do what everyone tells me or do I go with my feelings?

Well it was not hard to think about. For the first time in my life this was what I wanted. This was the love of my life. Nothing was going to stop me from showing her just how much she meant to me. Oh I had to take the risk, she may not love me, but nothing was going to stop me, she had to know how much I loved her and wanted to be with her.

Now we are man and wife. What I am trying to say is don't give up. Hope is always there and never ever give up on your dreams. There is someone out there for us all. Plus you never know when you will find it. It took me 43 years to find my soulmate, the love of my life. One day all our dreams come true, we just never know when.......John

Not Going your Way

Some times, things don't always go your way, then you start to think, what else can I be doing or am I doing all I can? When you just want some good news, any news, even when you put the TV on and see the news. People are killing each other or kids are being killed or people are wanting other people to just die, what a mad world we live in at times.

Sometimes when you look at life and things are not going your way, I think we should all take a step back. Sometimes it's not because of you or its your fault. Sometimes it's because we may have to wait for others and no matter what you do, we can never change that. Some people may think they are weak or failing others in some way, may even think that they are being selfish or not strong enough. Maybe when we get that way, we should think of where we were and how far we have come.

Some people will say "that's life." Some will say "it's a test" some will even say "it's Gods will." I myself think it has to do with what you believe, as long as you don't let go of what you believe in, then you have every chance of being happy. Plus I think real love is one of the hardest things to find in life. If you have that, you have more than most. When things are not going your way, I think a lot of people forget what they have, we should all be happy for what we have.

When I am down and things are not going my way, I think of just how lucky I am to have someone as wonderful as Buttercup. I think of the times she was not in my life or the times when we were apart. Then I think of just how lucky I am to be with her and to know she is my wife. God how good and proud that makes me feel.

I know at times life can seem unfair for most of us, things go wrong or someone lets you down or there is not enough time. You can make all the best plans in the world. Life is not that easy. We all have to fight for what we believe in. No one is going to put it on a plate for anyone. So if you ever feel life is not going right for you, just take that step back, think of all the people that love you. And before someone says it to themself, those words we have all said "who loves me, who cares about me?"... Well let me tell you, someone loves you, even if you think there is no one, someone out there loves you, just never give up hope. When you do find them never let go and never give up ever............John

Just Loving You Buttercup

When I think of just how much I love you, at times it's just so overwhelming. Just the way you make me feel inside, so warm and safe, just so happy. Just loving you is so easy, it's not something I have to try and do, its just there insde me. The way I feel when I am not with you, just feel so sad and cold, as if part of me is missing. I know, just how I felt when you were not in my life and I never want to go there again.

Sometimes I feel as if it is a dream, as how can something as wonderful as this happen to me. You are just one in a millon, I just can't help myself at times, just have to touch you, have to keep looking at you, just to make sure I am not dreaming. When I look at you and see the beauty that is in you, as well as the beauty you are on the outside too. I never knew what love was until I met you, love is just such a small word, when I try to think of how much i love you.

When I wake up and see you next to me, my heart just lights up, just like the sun shining on a hot day. When you open your eyes and smile. the warmth that comes over, is just so hot. When you touch me, it feels like a warm breeze that covers my whole body. When you kiss me all the hairs on my body just stand up, my lips just want to never stop kissing you, the warmth of your kisses are just so sweet. Your smile just lights up my world, makes me feel so safe, it gives off such a loving feeling. I know the love we have is unconditional, no rules, just comes from the heart, my love for you is just so true. When I think of how happy it makes me to see your smile, to see you laugh, you just bring out the best of me. You are just so very very special in every way.............Just love you more than you will know, will just try to show you every day, just how much you mean to me..............John

Waiting And More Waiting

Just sat here thinking about all the waiting, we have to do. All because people who we are waiting for, well it's just their job, so what is the rush? It's not their lives, its just makes you so mad. When you phone to check, all you get is, well we are doing all we can, but they don't see that, that bit of paper is your life or can save you a lot of money. People that are doing that kind of job, should know, just how important their job is, plus that they have people's lives in there hands.

Just like me, phone England to get some papers, then told to phone Scotland, then they tell me it will take 20 to 30 days, makes you think what the hell they are doing with them. We all call buses, planes and trains for being late, good job the people in the government don't run them, what a mess that would be. When you think today the governments of the USA, Canada and Mexico are talking about letting the rules on border crossing, to make it easier to go from one to the other, so you can work in the USA, but live in Mexico. When I was in the first Gulf War, fighting a long side the USA, and all we do is just get messed about. Plus when I think of the people that live in the USA and they can't even speak English, just makes you think, what you have to do.

Well I just know that me and Buttercup will do what ever it takes, we will not be put off by people who just try to put us off. We know we still have a lot to come and more, much more messing about from people who just sit in a chair. Plus by all the government rules, well rules for some and not for others.......John

Nashville

Well we had a great time in Nashville, the first night we went to a blues bar, called Bourbon Street Blues, we had a good night there. The next day we went to a bar called Rippy's, we met some very nice people and had a great time. We then went on to BB Kings and met another new married couple, we had a wonderful time with them, bit too much to drink as well (hahahahahahahaha). The next day we went for a walk round to look at the sites and at night went to Blackstone brewery, very nice beer. We had a wonderful time in Nashville, just went a bit fast, but life always goes fast when you are happy or having a great time.

There was a time in the hotel room, when Buttercup was asleep, I was looking at her just laying there asleep with a smile on her face. Got me thinking of the things we have had to get over. Thinking of my times in England when I was not with her. Thinking of all the times we had talked on the phone or msn and e-mails, of the times I would be in England crying at times because I was not with her. Dreaming of this day. She's my wife. She's right there. I can touch her. (smiles, very very big Smiles).

I know some people will think we are the lucky ones. But what people forget is that it has not been easy. We have had a lot of upset and hard times to get where we are now, plus we still have some to come. The one thing is we never let go, we both know what we want.

When I think back to what we have had to get over. Some people may not believe what they have found, they may even try to run away from it, even break it all off, thinking it can't work. The one thing I know in my heart of hearts and my soul, is that me and Buttercup love each other. As I looked at her on the bed asleep, with the smile on her face, Just makes me so warm inside. I cant think of a time when I have been so loved and so happy in my life. When I see her and how beautiful she is, plus the kind of person she is, she's just so loving and caring, she goes out of her way to help others. Yes in a way I am lucky, to have someone as wonderful as her.

When I think of how I feel when I just see her, How all the hairs on my body just stand up when she touches me. How when I wake up and she's there next to me, God how good that makes me feel, she's my sunshine. I feel my heart banging and it never stop's, just sat here writing this now. My heart is banging so fast, I just want to hold her and kiss her. She makes me feel so special, so loved, so wanted. She makes me see the real me. She lets me be the real me. God how wonderful that feels. I know we still have some hard times coming up, running around and papers to do, But we both know in the end, we will have the life we have always wanted.....John

A Poem for Buttercup

I knew from day one, I wanted you as my wife.
The love I had and still have, was just too strong
The feelings you gave me, will stay in my heart forever
The more we talked, the more I loved you, need to be with you
The first time I seen your beauty
Your long dark hair, your big brown eyes,
ohhhhhh yes i fell off my chair
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?

Then the day we met
You were better than your picture
To feel you, touch you, hold and cuddle you
To kiss your soft, soft lips and hold your hand
And i nearly knock you down
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?

Then time came to pass
Then you said I do
You are beautiful
Now you are my wife
IS ALL THIS A DREAM?

Well we are man and wife
We are going to walk together hand in hand
We are going smile and laugh side by side
NO THIS IS NOT A DREAM

BUTTERCUP, I LOVE YOU

Going Away

Well this is some time for me and Buttercup, to go away on our honeymoon, we have been married 5 days now (smilessssssss). we are going to Nashville for 4 days.

The last 4 days have been a bit of a run around. We had to see the the attorney this week, which I think went well, just my medical to do now and thats more money, then all the papers are sent off. Then its just sitting and waiting, as if we have not done enough of that. Until its time to do all the trips to here and there, just can't wait for all that, Buttercup will be happy. (sighs)

Well me and Buttercup the last 2 days have tried to relax, we have spent time just cuddling and staying in. we both have enjoyed it so much, as Buttercup said to me "no distractions, no pressure, just being able to relax, its was beautiful"

I know we have upset some people the way we got married, but they have to know, we didnt plan it. We just don't want ever to be apart again, plus the pressure it puts you under, sometime you don't know if you are doing right from wrong. We were trying to please every one and it just can't be done. So the next few days, we are going to get away from it all, just us. (smilesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss)

Will do the next post when we get back. Buttercup what a 4 days we are going to have,I cant wait babe, wish you was not at work now, we could be on are way there. I love you, my wife xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx..........John

Can I say something here?

OK... this thing is so backwards... his post came before mine... yet this is listed first... go figure.

Read his first.. lol... it's next.

What I want to say is this...



I don't think I can possibly express the amazement that I feel when I read his posts and when we look at each other and say 'how is this possible?'

We have found something that most people wait all their lives to find. It is something so rare and elusive. Probably because we live our lives for what others tell us is right... what they tell us is 'doable'. That's so funny to me right now... as I sit here next to him with my heart so full of love.

Yes... I adore him. He is everything to me. He represents all to me that I dreamt of but never thought really possible. We have that thing that you see in the movies... that thing that seems too good to be true. Well you know what? It IS possible.

But what a battle to make it real. To actually get to a place where you can finally relax and think to yourself 'oh my God, it's real.'

We are there. We've made it to a place where we know we still have stuggles before us and yet we are confident that we will get through them. We are strong.

It takes a lot. A lot of faith, a lot of determination, a lot of confidence. Funny, that is something we both lacked until we met. But in taking that first step we found it.

Don't give up. It can be real. It IS possible.

John, I love you more than I have ever thought it was possible to love another human being and I cherish the day I said.... I do.

Buttercup

Why me?

Well some people may think 'what am I talking about?' Well let me to tell you. How many people find someone and say "Why me?" Haven`t we all said that?

There comes a time in everyone's life where we all think it's too good to be true. Why me? I am not that good. I don`t see it. What do they see in me? Come on, don`t tell me you have not been there. But can we all be crap? Don`t we all look in the mirror and all we see is the bad things? Then again we are not all bad, Are we?

Well i have been there. Then I talked to this woman and met her. She made me see things that I didn`t see. The one thing that gets to me is she does not see what i see. Thats why I am trying to write this. Because we don`t see it. Well this blog is for Buttercup. You are everything any man could wish for. I can sit here looking at you now and my heart just lights up. God, she`s my wife. God, how good does that feel? Well I am on top of the world. No other woman could make me feel the way my wife does. Big big smilessssssssssssss. She`s my wife. So no matter who you are or where you are, however old you are, there is someone out there for you.

Buttercup is wonderful, beautiful and special. She`s so warm at heart. If we had a millon Buttercups this world would be a better place. I love her with everything I have in me. She has my heart and soul. She lights my world up. I want everyone in this world to find what I have. It's all about every moment. I adore Buttercup. I am so proud to have someone as special as she is.

I just want everyone out there to look in the mirror and see the good. Don`t look at yourself and see the bad. Maybe you see the bad because of what of you have been told or it could be that you have had a bad life so you think that's the way life is. But then you could feel bad because you had fun. Then someone tells you they didn`t, so you feel guilty. Is that right?, Is it Fair? I don`t know what i am trying to say in a way. I just know some of the feelings we can all get.

Then i met Buttercup. She has made me see what life is all about. It's all about loving and being loved. Buttercup has done more for me in a year then anyone has done for me in my lifetime. I can't think of not being with her. Touching her, seeing her smile, holding her hand, waking up and seeing her face. I can`t think of not loving her. What i have with Buttercup is so much more than love. What i am trying to say is, don`t give up ever. Thats the easy thing to do.

How many times have we all done that? Well thats one thing I never did With Buttercup.

Buttercup I love you more than love. I am so proud of you, I am all yours forever.....John

We Did It!

Well we did it. We are now man and Wife, Big Smiles here. It was not what we had planned. The chance was there and we looked at each other, and just did it. We know we still have a lot of things to do. The thing is we can start things moving now.

God am I happy, Buttercup is my wife! Feel so proud, Walking 10ft tall, I have never been as happy in my life as I am now, Just walking around with a great big smile. I know everyone in their lives has said "I love you" to someone. I have. This that I have with Buttercup is so different. Its more than just love. I don't think I would have ever found love if it had not been for Buttercup. She`s one in a million. I am not very good with words. (think its because I can`t spell very well)

I know my heart belongs to her and I was made to be with her, Forever. I know some people will read all this and think I am soft, Some may read it and say awwwwww. The thing is I want people to read this and see if you love someone, I do mean love someone, Not just saying it. Plus mean what you say and you are willing to give it your all, Then it can happen. We want to show people, Its not all plain sailing, But if you hang in there dreams can come true.

Buttercup was my dream,(God did I dream about that woman )She`s everything I have ever wanted and more, God so much more. I know I am a lucky man. To have someone as wonderful as her(The wife, hahaha) some times when I look at her, Its like being in a dream, Well I never ever want to wake up. she`s my world and my life. When I think of how far we have come, Hard times as well as good. Last night I was thinking of all the good times we have had, Some very very special moments. Too many to write down. When we look at each other and both smile, I can`t put the moment into words. It's just something that's there. The feelings I get from those moments. Just wanted to let people who read our site, We are now married. Just wanted to let them know just how proud I am to have Buttercup as my wife. That sounds so good. To be able to say "Buttercup is my wife".

Just want to grow old with you. xx.. John

Thinking About The Big Day

I know people will be thinking I am talking about the day we are getting married. Well it was thinking about that, that got me thinking every day I am with Buttercup is a big day. Just having her by my side, makes me feel so proud, Knowing she loves me, has me waking in the clouds. To be able to say she is my wife, Well I am going to be thinking I am in heaven.( walking 10ft tall too )

In my heart I know, I just want her to be happy, plus know she is loved, But in away she's never been loved before. That's what I am going to do, not because I have to, but it's because I want to. That's why I asked her to marry me. I don't care what people think of how we met or if they think its just to get into the country. Buttercup knows, how I feel about her, plus what I would do for her. There is nothing I wouldn`t do for her. People may think I love her because she's good looking. People may think what ever they want to. The thing with Buttercup is she amazes me every day in every way, plus yes I see the beauty of her. (You would have to be blind not to see it). The thing is I see the beauty within as well, and it's wonderful. She as such a big heart, she's always thinking about how to make others happy, I have seen it with my own eyes. I have seen her feeling down and not well. The phone rang, she picked the phone up and talked to the person on the other end. She laughed and talked and made them feel great, She then finished and sat in the chair not feeling well. I just had to go up and cuddle her. She does not think of herself as much as she should.

Buttercup is my 8th wonder of the world, she is such a special woman in every meaning of the word. What ever she dose for someone, She always always wants to do that bit more, just to make them happy and see them smile. I know just being with her, makes me so happy, when she gives me that look I just melt. I know that when she reads this, She will say I am building her again, She will just say "I don't want to fall down", But what she dose not see, Even if she did fall, I would catch her and put her right where she belongs, On top.

She knows I love her, The thing With Buttercup she needs to see, Just what a wonderful and special woman she is. The love I have for her is 2nd to none, I will never take her for granted. I will treat every moment with her as it should be. I don't know if people that read this will see just how much I love her, But I hope you can see just what a wonderful woman Buttercup is. THATS WHY EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE WITH HER IS A BIG DAY..........John

A Battle Worth Fighting

Today when John and I were trying to move things along and get one little piece of paper...read his next post... it occurred to me what a battle this all can be at times. Just like running around buildings just to run smack into a wall. Where IS the safe place? We sometimes get so lost in each other, ok, that makes it a bit harder when we see the limits we have on us with regard to time. See, if John is to stay here and not have to go back and not return for 6 months or more, we need to get things moving in the next couple of weeks.

I mean marriage...wedding... omg... (doesn't every woman get excited when you say the word 'wedding'.. hahahaha) Well... this will be a different kind of wedding and to be quite honest, I'm not all that excited about the wedding this time. I am excited about the Marriage! I love this man like I have never loved anyone before and all I can think about is securing our future so we don't have to go through this uncertainty anymore. I want us to be able to move forward and start doing the things that normal people do. But we are in limbo. At the mercy of the government, the attorneys, the mail for heaven's sake. You name it... we have no control over it. It's a position I am definitely not comfortable in. But it is soooooooooo worth it.

When I think about how people tend to judge things because they care about you sometimes. They want what's best for you and they mean well. But they can say awfully hurtful things. I mean, ok, a lot of people have that thing about believing that the only reason two people get married when they are from different countries is so one can get into the other's country to live. Ok.. you want to dispell that myth with me and John... read the next post. I am still in tears when I think of the hurt that man has gone through and continues to go through because of the sacrifices he has made to be with me. It scares me sometimes. But I also think of the times I have considered doing the same for him.

I just love him and I know in my heart of hearts that he loves me and we need each other. That just doesn't always make it so that you don't miss those you leave behind. Life can be so unfair. and yes, I agree with John... it can be so cruel.

My wish is that we get to a point in our life together where we can make it so all of us can be together.. his kids.. my kids.. he and I... the grand kids.. .all of us.. together for a time... just once please...give us that...surely it would not be impossible. It would just mean so much. Now that would be a wedding!

I just love you John.... xxxxxxxxxxx Buttercup

How I Feel Right Now

Well this is just to let people know, how things can hurt. Well today we were trying to get a copy of my birth certificate, easy a? Well we had so many ups and downs, trying to get it, went from crying to joy, back to crying, then jumping for joy again. It was one of my girls' friends that went and got it in the end. Someone I don`t even know. ( will have to get him a few drinks when I meet him )
Then I got to thinking about my kids and my grand kids, how much I miss them, was talking to them on the phone today and my eyes just filled up. Then I was just putting a picture up of my grandson. I just couldn`t help it. I just sat in the chair looking at his face, thinking about the way he calls me pops and always runs to me and hugs me and kisses me...then the tears, how I am crying right now as I write this. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I miss them, miss them so much. I know my kids know just how much I love them, that I have no worries about. Its the hugsssssss and kisses, the laughs.
Trying to think...what are they doing right now? Well I know grand kids will be in bed, God how I wish I could have been there to tuck them in and give them a good night kiss, see you in the morning. Think...what is my son doing right now? Is he out, is he on his x-box? with is girlfriend? Thinking about my girls where are they, well one will be at home, TV on hoping the kids don`t wake up, may have a friend there with her? My other girl may be out with her friends, may be home, may even be at her sisters. (that would be nice if she is)
I miss my kids every day, think about how they are and what they are doing. Me and my kids are very very close, not been away from them this long in a long time. Even as the tears run down my face and I miss my kids so so much, ohhhh I wish we could all be with each other. Now I have kids here too and miss them just as much when I go to England. I have gotten to know Buttercup's kids just as much and miss them too when I don't see them. Cruel world, a? The one thing I do know is that my love for all the kids will always be with them and they all know that. Right now my heart is where it belongs and that's with Buttercup. All the kids know that I am happy in my heart with Buttercup and the one thing that helps is I know they are all happy for us both ......John

Waiting, getting Mad and being in Love

Well I am sitting in the apartment on my own and Buttercup is at work. I think about how I would love to be able to go out to work, don't like having to wait for the visa. Its just one of the things that you have to do, plus all the paper work. Then you start to think about all the things that you have left behind. I have said this before, I think about the things you miss, but you are waiting for your life to start. Like all the things you have both talked about. Setting up a home, being with each other, all the dreams that you wish for...but you have to sit and wait for a bit of paper. Then you get people saying "I couldn`t do that" what I say to them is "well I am in love with the woman of my dreams and what ever I have to do to be with her I will.

I know just sitting around can get to people, believe me it gets to me too. The thing is I know in the end I will be happy. That's what keeps me going. We are happy now and we are going though a lot right now, having to phone England for things and they don`t answer...being told we have to have this and that, knowing its back in England and people you talk to can`t find it. It can get very upsetting at times. There are a lot of things to be worked out, the thing that gets us mad is sometimes we have no control of it, we have to wait for others, I am so happy that I have some people in England that can help us.

Sometimes you don`t know if to cry or laugh, but the one thing you can`t do is give up. I think that's why some people do give up. One thing I can tell you is if you love someone as you think you do, you never give up. You just think, right, this is what we will do now. Giving up never comes in to it, well not for me ever. The one thing I do know, is I love Buttercup every day more and more. She is the sunshine of my life. Her heart is so warm and loving. I just feel so safe. That's a big thing for me to say.

The way she makes me feel inside, the only way I can put it is in a way, people who have had kids, the feeling you get when they are born, well with Buttercup I have that feeling all the time. I belong with Buttercup, she's a part of me, she's my safe place, she's my everything.

I was made to be with her, she was the missing part of my life, I always knew she was out there. Now I am with her, there is nothing on this earth that will stop me from showing her every day how much I love her. Some people may say I am mad, weak or romantic or even soft in the head. One thing I will tell you. There was a time when Buttercup called it all off. She sent me a song called Please Remember (crying now as I think about that).

Even then I never give up on her. I can say I have never been hurt as much in my life as I was then. I just broke down in tears, couldn`t eat, couldn`t sleep. Then I said 'ok fine', I am going to the USA and what ever happens I will be there for her. If she has someone and marries them, as long as she is happy. That's when I knew just how much I loved her.

you see it was not just about my feelings. To me it was all about Buttercup being loved and happy. If she was with someone else then it was up to her. I just wanted her loved and happy. I wanted what was best for her and that's the way it's always been with me about her. Oh I know nobody will ever love Buttercup more than me, whoever they are. So I just want people to know just how happy I am. She picked me, and I know she loves me. She has shown me in so many ways. I know just how much I love her...and to Buttercup, I say " I love you more now, than I did this Morning... and I know I will love you more Tomorrow than I do now. I will never stop loving you, and will never let go ever babe.".........John (Let's always just be us)xxxxxxxx

Just Thinking

Well I just want to try and put what I was feeling. We were on our way home from a 40s room meet. We had a great time and all the people at the meet were wonderful and had such a ball. On our way home Buttercup needed to sleep for a bit, so she pulled over near a cafe so I could have a coffee and she could have a sleep.
It was then I got to thinking about just how much I loved being with her, how happy she makes me.

I can be me and not have to worry about it. She lets me have fun, but it's not just that, she's part of it all too. This is all about how she just makes me feel, all the time. I don't know if everyone has it....But when you can be you....God it feels so good. You don't have to start worrying about 'can I do this' 'can I do that', just to be able to be you. That's what Buttercup does. She lets me be me and it feels so wonderful. Its one of the many things I love about her.

Its times like this I just think of how lucky I am to have someone as special as her. I just didn`t know I could love anyone as much as I love her. I do love her --god knows how much I love her and I think she does too. When how I think I was sitting in the car drinking coffee, with Buttercup asleep and I was happy just to be next to her. I don't care where I am in this world as long as I am with her. I know I will be happy. Plus I will do all I can you make her happy too and I will never stop letting her know how much she is loved.

The one thing I have found with Buttercup, what ever I do for her, it makes me happy to she her happy and to see her smile...God that smile just melts me. To hear her laugh, God and she laughs a lot, just warms my heart. I don`t think I will ever be able to put into words just how much I love her.....But one thing for sure is,I will never ever stop trying to show her..........John

hugs and smiles.... wow... REAL ones!!!!!! 

The Gals of 40's In Louisville

The Gals... Isabella, ^Shebs^, Noahlyn, Buttercup, Tucky^QT, Jupitergirl41, a friend of Noah's and Mama^Smurf 

The Guys of 40's In Louisville

Dice, Novice00, JOHN-43, dwskwared, Papa^Smurf and wysiwyg... and oh yeah... a fuzzy pink slipper 

What Do I Miss

I think that sometimes people don't see what you have to give up and the things you miss most, even the little things. There is a lot you have to give up, so you have to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Yes you miss all your family and their love and hugs, your friends, also give up your job. Your way of life as you know it.
Sometimes there are things you are going to miss that you didn't even think of. They just creep up on you, like just the walk in the street. Plus you are going to have to get to know all the new ways of doing things, like making a phone call. People may laugh at things like that, but you are going to have to get to know so many different ways of doing things.

I think a lot of people do not think about it at first, then it hits them. The one thing that gets to me, its one of the things I didn't think of. It just came up on me, is I love my country. I am proud of where I come from and all that goes with it. I love the red and white of England. Its ok for me to make fun of my England, but I don't like it if someone else does. It hurts.

I didn't know just how much I loved my country. So you don't know all the things you are going to miss. I have a friend in England that I miss more and more every day. We did a lot of things, like going out for a drink. We did a lot of talking and helping each other in times of need. Then there is the everyday things. Missing the hugs from your kids. Having to give your pets up...Oh yes, you miss them too.

You even miss the shops that you have being going in and out of all your life. Even the papers, the way the post comes and goes is different. Some of the new ways make you laugh, but some make you mad. Even TV is different. The way of eating and cooking is too. That gets to me too, as I like cooking. So you have to find new ways of doing things. At times it gets to me and I will sit thinking of all my old ways of life. So all this thinking if you love someone, just make sure you do love them. Because when it comes down to it, you had better make sure you do.

I know in my heat, mind and soul I love Buttercup. So make sure that you look everything over and think about it all. I do, and every time, Buttercup wins, hands down. She is my life and I never want to be apart from her ever. For all the love I have for the things I miss, Buttercup always always comes out on top. I love you Buttercup.................John

Just Need to Write

I don't know how to start this or how to write it...when I think of where I am in my life.....I think about how much I love my kids and I love all of them so much, miss them too. Just want them to know I love them and want to hold and hug them. People with kids will know what I mean. When I think of the times I would have with them.

No1 has her life, but she needs her dad when she is hurt and needs to know she's always my spud( my nick name for her). No2 is the one who in the last few years we have gotten close more and more...she has kids of her own now, 2 of them. When I think of the times we have been with each other and when I was down and out she was there to help me (was her that got me talking to Buttercup, lol).

No3, my son, what can I say about him, he's just always been there at the times when I was down...thinking I was on my own... he was there. At times he was my kick up the butt. He never let me forget just how much he and the girls loved me. I want them to know just how happy I am and that I will always love them and hug them every chance I get. Most of all I think about them every day, trying to think about what they will be doing.

The one thing I know is that my kids want me to be happy and that's one thing Buttercup does is make me happy... how she makes me happy (smiling here). When someone like Buttercup comes into your life it just lights your world up. She lets me be me. It was only last night I was saying to her "we will not live long, because of all the laughing and fun we have". I never at any time in my life had so much happiness as much as we do.

when you think of all the things we have to get over, I just know we will, because we were made for each other. Me and Buttercup did this site so people can see how we feel and the things you have to get over... that if you love someone wherever they are, whoever they are, go for it. If you love someone or if you think you do, don't be put off, let them know and don't let anyone or anything put you off. If you do tell them and they don't want to know, believe me you will feel better about it all, because you will not sit there saying 'wish I had told them'. Plus they may feel the same way, but they are to shy. How many time have you seen 2 people meet years after and talk, then one says "why did you not tell me the way you felt? I felt the same way." but its to late then. So if you do love someone tell them and show them you love them..........John

Dealing with Immigration - In the Beginning

What a confusing mess. It amazes me how many people are out there wandering around with no clue as to how to handle having a love from another country. There are so many people giving advice on how to get the other person over. Who would'a thought, even with 9/11 that there would be so much red tape. I mean, yes, scrutiny is understandable... but a lot of what we have to do was in place well before 9/11. It's like the two countries are both going "mine...mine... mine" and it's laughable.

We did our homework. We researched until our heads hurt. We got so much conflicting information it just got us further and further from having a clue.

Eventually we realized that the only way to get this done was to go to someone (and pay out the wazoo) who knew what it was all about and who had dealt with it before. That meant a (dreaded) attorney. No offense to the attorneys out there... but hey, you know what I mean.

So we went. We called two. The conflicts started immediately. Won't go into great detail here. Suffice it to say we were once again confused.

Sometimes you need to step outside of your situation and present it to an unbiased outsider. That helped. We agreed that out of the two atty's we spoke to, having one local would be better. So we met with him.

Well, while the attorney in California was saying 'Whatever you do, don't get married now." This attorney said "Whatever you do, don't wait too long to get married... do it now"

Sheesh...

But after talking to him at length we did discover that if we married now, John would stay, the paperwork would be filed and he could potentially be working within 3 months of the filing. Well, that was a serious concern (that AND the fact that we dreaded even another day apart!!!)

What really convinced us however was the fact that if John DID go back first and we filed for the K-3 (Fiance) visa, he could be there, unable to even visit me, for a minimum of 6 months and potentially a lot longer. We looked at each other sitting there in the attorney's office and remembered the last time we were apart... 2 weeks... it was hell. Now the attorney was saying 6 months?????????? I don't think so.

It wasn't even up for debate. We squeezed each other's hand and looked at the attorney and just shook our heads. We said "We can't do that."

So the plan then was to get all our paperwork together, get married, file... and wait. This would cause great financial strain... that was the downside. The main one anyway.

First we had to get John's Birth Certificate... it was the only thing we did not have yet that would be required to file... so we had to wait to get married until we had that in hand.

When I Realized I Loved Him

Well, what a misleading title...lol....should read "When I realized I loved him so much I could no longer think of life without him"

Yeah, that would be much more appropriate.

When your life is just moving along... you know the way traffic does sometimes on a freeway. At night sometimes I am a bit spellbound by the lights. I live in hilly country so the highways at night often look like rolling ribbons of Red and White lights. It can be so pretty. Hard sometimes to remember that every little pair of lights represents a driver and sometimes a passenger or two. How did they find themselves on this highway... being red or white... are they excited about where they are going? The reason I ask this is because sometimes I look at the traffic and all the pretty little lights and I actually take a moment to consider the lives going by in streams. I think about how my life was before.

Wow did we have some pretty lights. I bet people driving on the same highway as us probably figured our lights would just out shine so many others. My prior life. But I was not excited about where I was going. I had to let someone else drive... all the time. I had become a part of something so 'pretty' and indistinguishable. I had settled for the status quo. And I was miserable. So I left it all.

Everyone thought I was crazy.

I met John. (I'm smiling now) Our lights are not yet burning up the highway. But maybe one day... See, we're not trying to 'fit in' or live according to others' expectations. Everything about how we met, how we behave with one another, how we see our future... all pretty unconventional. All inspired by the love that brought us together and binds us like the strongest glue.

And the thing is I think that if you look closely enough you would probably find a lot of people in their cars... unaware of the image they project with the pretty lights... are just going along with the flow of traffic ... blending in... not even questioning their own happiness... or lack of it. I suppose that's ok. I'm just glad I dared to examine myself and shake myself out of the fog I was living in. I had really lost myself.

When I met John I was challenged to look beyond myself and as a result - found myself once again. The real me. John gave me the confidence to see that I have something to contribute. He inspires me so... He amazes me. John has more heart in him than I ever saw in anybody ever before. He is kind without being a pushover. He's tough without being cold. He's intelligent without being pompous. I love him. He forces me to rise above so many things because he is always on such an even keel. I get wild and rant and rave sometimes and his smile just melts me and we end up laughing because once again... he forces me to see myself.

I think I lived so long trying to be what everyone expected me to be that I forgot just how crazy and quirky I really am. When did I realize I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine life without him? I think it was the day that I dared to imagine it. The day that a friend asked me. What would I do if I lost him... sometimes the simplest questions (when asked in the simplest situations) can just force you to see things so clearly. When she asked me that question I just stopped in my tracks and tears welled up in my eyes. I remember fighting them back. I remember feeling as if my chest would explode and my next breath would never come.

I remembered how I had told him it was over. I remember getting in my car and driving home trying to see through the tears. Finding my way to the computer. Praying he would be there. I remember seeing his nick. Gasping for breath and trying to figure out how to talk to him.. how to let him know. Truth is, he always knew. He knew.

We laughed about this last night. How when we were 'supposedly' split up... how I would call him... and never could let go. He knew before I even knew. It was always there. I love him more deeply than I ever dreamt it was possible to love and it continually astounds me.

We are crazy and wild and quiet and shy and serious and foolish and we just fit. We don't fit in with the rest of the world's idea of how things should be... but boy oh boy do we fit. We are going to take this 'unconventional' situation and allow it to grow and flourish even. There is so much love.

Yeah, I know the very moment that I realized that I loved him so much I couldn't imagine life without him... I remember. Wish I was as good as expressing these things as he is. But he knows... yeah, he knows. I love him.

We have a long road ahead of us. A road filled with so much more than just pretty lights. A road full of laughter. Tears. Love. He has given me the ability to let my heart go. Until you share it you know, you never really understand what it's for.

Buttercup