Friday, February 11, 2005
Is it hard to make it work
Well even now me and Buttercup are engaged and still have a long way to go. In the start it was hard. Can you love someone 3500 miles away? Can you believe what they say? Are they who they say they are? All these things go through your mind. Can this be for real? Well I know at times with me, that I did try to ignore it and tell myself that I didn't love her and that I was just being daft. Oh yes I gave her a hard time. Put the phone down on her. Wouldn't answer my phone. Wouldn't go on line. Wouldn't answer her e-mails. Come on, at first who is going to believe you can love someone that far away? And people will tell you it can't happen, God they know best don't they? Even when you know you love them, Do they love you the same way? Plus its too far, Too different ways of life, Different ways of thinking. When you have been lied to before, So many times, Why shouldn't this be any different? How do you know you can trust anyone any more. Never mind the person you think you are in love with. When you have been hurt so many times, You think everyone is out to lie or hurt you , So you trust no one. It is hard so many things to get over, Travel is a big one, not as easy as it sounds, money, work, family just to name a few. All I can say is I went with my heart and once you have the love, The rest can be worked out...........John
How big is love
Sometimes when you think about it, How big is love? Like they say sometimes how long is a piece of string?......How big is space? Does anyone have the answers? How can you know? Well I don't. You never know. What I do know is the love I have for Buttercup...Just grows and grows. Even when I think I cant love her anymore than I do, It just gets bigger and bigger. Can we measure? Well my answer would be no, you cant. In my heart I know I love Buttercup and my love for her will just grow and grow. You cant love someone too much , You may not love someone enough, But you can't love someone too much. The love I have for Buttercup, Well if I am telling the truth, I can't tell you. I can't measure it, It's just in me. The love in me is like my blood, It goes round all my body and makes my heart beat for her. When I am asleep I dream of her, When I wake up she is the first thing I think of. Then I think of her all day. Wanting to hold her and kiss her. Just to be with her and see her smile. When I am with her just want to hold and cuddle her. To see her smile is like being in the warmth of the sun. To hold her is like being held by an angel. One thing I have found in life is that people use the word love too easily, so now when I tell Buttercup I love her, Every time I make sure it comes from the heart and with meaning. Plus I take every day as if it's our first or it could be our last. Because in a way, like the song If Tomorrow Never Comes, She will always always know I love her and it was not a measured love, but it was love that came from the heart and it was a true love ...........John
Love
Well now that I have found love........Why does the word love not seem the right word. The word love now seems too small a word.....What I have now with Buttercup, seems a lot more. Love just does not seem the right word, its too small a word. I am trying to tell her how I feel and love just does not say it enough. To find your soul mate and know in your mind, heart and soul that she's the right one. Its more than just love....Its your life, I would give my life for her in a moment, If I knew she would be happy for the rest of her life. Its not just about me anymore, I have someone I care about more than anything else in the world. The feelings for her are just so powerful. To have what we have now, I just wish everyone had it. The world would be a better place and I mean that from my heart. To wake up knowing I have someone as wonderful and special as she is, just takes my breath away and when I see her I just melt, every time, big smiles here just thinking about her. All I know now is what I have with Buttercup is more than love, I don't know what to call it, But just know she is part of me. I still sit and think about what we have and wish I could put it into words, but whatever word I use never ever seems big enough or the right one, because it's more, It's always more. You could say it's a never ever ending love, It's a love that just grows and grows. She has no idea that I am writing this. So to you Buttercup, I love you more than life. Just know that the feelings I have for you are never ever going to go away. That every day I will let you know just how much I adore you. So does anyone know what real love is? Well I just know we cant be far from it, to wake up and see her every day is my dream. Because to wake up and feel like you are in heaven every day...That's how I feel with Buttercup ....John
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Talking to Buttercup for the first time
The first time I talked to Buttercup........Our chat lasted over 8 hours...I know people will not understand or may even laugh......But I loved her and I knew it. Can you love someone from just talking.....Well I did. I don't know how I knew I just did, I didn't know what she looked like .....Didn't even know what she sounded like...But I loved her. I was not looking for it or wanted it.....But I had just talked to the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I knew it......But I didn't know how I knew. She was the most wonderful, most warm and caring woman I had ever talked to.....The feeling I had from her was just so powerful...And I don't know were the love came from ....But it was there....It had always been there. I had always loved her, she was my dream woman and I just knew it. After talking to her, I talked to myself...Telling myself, I was mad and it couldn't be true.....I was fooling myself....Not only that how could it work...She's in the USA and you are in England....3500 miles....Who was I trying to fool, couldn't sleep. I had to talk to her again....I couldn't let go...ohhhh, I did try........But I just couldn't let go....In my mind, heart and soul I loved her and I knew it.
John
John
Pondering the whole "Do I know You" thing...
Thinking about the way sometimes it seems as though the very thing that brought us together will be instrumental in breaking us apart...
People say how wonderful the internet is because of how it brings people together from all around the world and allows us to share ideas, beliefs, and cultures, but sometimes I think they forget the inherent danger in such a system. There is something lurking in that whole concept that is so often ignored. It has to do with the fact that we can sometimes allow the 'fantasy' of it all to cloud our 'reality' judgement. I mean let's face it, on the internet you can be whomever and whatever you wish. Don't assume for a minute that you know someone just because you may have spent countless hours talking to them online.
It's wonderful to find someone you can do that with. But realize that just as you may speak on phone with someone more comfortably than in person, talking online can often become 'comfortable' to the point that people don't even realize they are taking on personalities that they 'want' and not those that they necessarily 'have'. I realize that is not always a voluntary thing, but it's there just the same. And it can be deceiving, voluntary or not.
Perhaps that is what takes most people by surprise the most. They spend hour upon hour talking to someone they 'met' online and one day may even decide to meet in person. That's great. Perhaps the meetings continue alongside the 'chatting' and these two figure they know each other pretty darn well because they have spent all this time 'communicating'. Could be.
Then again, maybe we need to remember that it's life that allows us to truly 'learn' someone. Sharing is good... no, it's great and vital. But walking side by side through the joys and pitfalls of life... now that will reveal the real 'us' like nothing else can. I don't care how much we think we know each other.
Just an observation.
Buttercup
People say how wonderful the internet is because of how it brings people together from all around the world and allows us to share ideas, beliefs, and cultures, but sometimes I think they forget the inherent danger in such a system. There is something lurking in that whole concept that is so often ignored. It has to do with the fact that we can sometimes allow the 'fantasy' of it all to cloud our 'reality' judgement. I mean let's face it, on the internet you can be whomever and whatever you wish. Don't assume for a minute that you know someone just because you may have spent countless hours talking to them online.
It's wonderful to find someone you can do that with. But realize that just as you may speak on phone with someone more comfortably than in person, talking online can often become 'comfortable' to the point that people don't even realize they are taking on personalities that they 'want' and not those that they necessarily 'have'. I realize that is not always a voluntary thing, but it's there just the same. And it can be deceiving, voluntary or not.
Perhaps that is what takes most people by surprise the most. They spend hour upon hour talking to someone they 'met' online and one day may even decide to meet in person. That's great. Perhaps the meetings continue alongside the 'chatting' and these two figure they know each other pretty darn well because they have spent all this time 'communicating'. Could be.
Then again, maybe we need to remember that it's life that allows us to truly 'learn' someone. Sharing is good... no, it's great and vital. But walking side by side through the joys and pitfalls of life... now that will reveal the real 'us' like nothing else can. I don't care how much we think we know each other.
Just an observation.
Buttercup
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