At Last! ... Well OK, We're Not There Yet...

Funny how just when you think - At Last! ...something comes along to remind you that you haven't quite gotten there yet. The good news is that at least there is progress.

John (love of my life) has finally received his work authorization card and we did not have to drive the 6 hours to Memphis to get it! That truly is a blessing. We were so excited to have this phase finally coming together! But wait! Grrr... can't apply for the Social Security card until you have the work authorization card in hand and gee, wouldn't you know it, can't work until you have the social security number. Sighhhh...

Ok he has been so patient - he's a saint in that department I can tell ya! I don't know how he keeps his cool - most patient man on the planet I think. He watches me going around ranting and raving and panicking as those who know me well have seen me do many times... and yet, he manages to take me into his arms, hush me, and ensure me that everything will be alright. I feel so safe there. This man is transforming me into somebody I did not know I could be. This love container is sure to burst one of these days - can feel it welling up in me even now. Amazing the level of emotion we share.

Anyway, he has been volunteering his time, trying to make the days go by faster until he can work. He has had 3 interviews so far and has been offered all 3 jobs... they want him. But he has to have that damned social security number first. So he waits. Patiently. He even travelled the 3 miles to go down and donate blood after we saw an ad from the Red Cross saying how desperately they needed his blood type. He went in the rain, determined to do some good with his spare time. They turned him away. No social security number. Does that stink or what????? (holding back on the ranting and raving now)

I guess if you think about it, there are a lot of worse things people can go through... LOTS. I mean, all said, we have a love that I truly believe is something few will ever have and it saddens me to know that, but I think it's true. So few people are willing to honestly do what it takes to find that one person and then suffer whatever it takes to be with them. All that he's given away. All that he's left. The sacrifices we have both made in time, money, frustration and untold days and nights of absolute misery when we couldn't be together... all so worth it now.

Sometimes I just sit and look out the window at my office and think about how far we've come. It floors me. And how we forget when we are going about our daily things... laughin' together, cooking together, laying around in each others arms... yeah, it's a luxury, and we make the most of every minute we are together. We are very selfish with our time. We love friends that drop by, but often we steal glances each letting the other know that it would be so great to just run into the back and snuggle on the bed, watch a movie and fall asleep in each other's arms.

I love him.

When I think about how far we still have to go... well, it's getting easier to see the light now, I will admit that. We have to come up with a second car, insurance, financial restructuring (great way to say 'recover from a major financial loss'), and hopefully find a way to get a house and have a place so we can get the kids over from England at some point. We have lots of dreams to make come true and we are apparently determined enough to accomplish anything now. We are living proof.

Well Aaron, I promised you hon, I wrote.... sorry it took so long. Your dad just keeps me soooooooooooo occupied... lol... Love you, and your sisters, and will jump for joy when the day comes when I can finally tell you that in person while wrapping you up in a huge hug!

John, babe, my heart burns for you and I thank God everyday for bringing you to me and for waking up places in my soul that had gone to sleep in hopelessness.... you are what was always missing in my life and I will cherish you every day anew.

All my love,

Christine
XOXOXOXOXOX

aka Buttercup ;o)

The Ups and Downs

Well not been on for some time. The good news is I have my Employment card. Plus I have have been offered a job, as a car salesman. Looking forward to it. Never done it before. Always trying something new. The down to it all is to do with the paper work. Can't work now till I get my social security number. Just hope it will not take long.

Well like the heading says the ups and downs, just seem's everytime we think we are getting there, something pulls us right down again. We know we are getting closer and closer to what we want. Just would be wonderful to get a up without the down. God, wouldn't that be nice.

The other down is just knowing, how far away my kid's are. When you just want to hold them and let them know just how much you miss them. I know my son could do with me there right now, misses his dad. I was not just his dad, we are mates too, close mates. Plus knowing he is not happy, hurts me more than he knows. Times like this all you want to do is hold him and just let him know how much he is loved, to be there and just pick him up when he feels down.

I know all my kids know how much I miss them and love them. Plus all the mum's and dad's will know what I mean, when I say "If your kids are 1 or 61, they are still your babies. Me and Buttercup, would have all the kids in a shot if we could.

When you think of just how far me and Buttercup have come, after all we have to get over, all we are waiting for now is one slip of paper. That one bit of paper is all that is holding us up now, as soon as we get that, we can live our lives the way we want. One of our dreams is to have all the kids together for a few weeks, we are getting there and we WILL get there...............John