Today when John and I were trying to move things along and get one little piece of paper...read his next post... it occurred to me what a battle this all can be at times. Just like running around buildings just to run smack into a wall. Where IS the safe place? We sometimes get so lost in each other, ok, that makes it a bit harder when we see the limits we have on us with regard to time. See, if John is to stay here and not have to go back and not return for 6 months or more, we need to get things moving in the next couple of weeks.
I mean marriage...wedding... omg... (doesn't every woman get excited when you say the word 'wedding'.. hahahaha) Well... this will be a different kind of wedding and to be quite honest, I'm not all that excited about the wedding this time. I am excited about the Marriage! I love this man like I have never loved anyone before and all I can think about is securing our future so we don't have to go through this uncertainty anymore. I want us to be able to move forward and start doing the things that normal people do. But we are in limbo. At the mercy of the government, the attorneys, the mail for heaven's sake. You name it... we have no control over it. It's a position I am definitely not comfortable in. But it is soooooooooo worth it.
When I think about how people tend to judge things because they care about you sometimes. They want what's best for you and they mean well. But they can say awfully hurtful things. I mean, ok, a lot of people have that thing about believing that the only reason two people get married when they are from different countries is so one can get into the other's country to live. Ok.. you want to dispell that myth with me and John... read the next post. I am still in tears when I think of the hurt that man has gone through and continues to go through because of the sacrifices he has made to be with me. It scares me sometimes. But I also think of the times I have considered doing the same for him.
I just love him and I know in my heart of hearts that he loves me and we need each other. That just doesn't always make it so that you don't miss those you leave behind. Life can be so unfair. and yes, I agree with John... it can be so cruel.
My wish is that we get to a point in our life together where we can make it so all of us can be together.. his kids.. my kids.. he and I... the grand kids.. .all of us.. together for a time... just once please...give us that...surely it would not be impossible. It would just mean so much. Now that would be a wedding!
I just love you John.... xxxxxxxxxxx Buttercup
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