Friday, March 04, 2005

How I Feel Right Now

Well this is just to let people know, how things can hurt. Well today we were trying to get a copy of my birth certificate, easy a? Well we had so many ups and downs, trying to get it, went from crying to joy, back to crying, then jumping for joy again. It was one of my girls' friends that went and got it in the end. Someone I don`t even know. ( will have to get him a few drinks when I meet him )
Then I got to thinking about my kids and my grand kids, how much I miss them, was talking to them on the phone today and my eyes just filled up. Then I was just putting a picture up of my grandson. I just couldn`t help it. I just sat in the chair looking at his face, thinking about the way he calls me pops and always runs to me and hugs me and kisses me...then the tears, how I am crying right now as I write this. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I miss them, miss them so much. I know my kids know just how much I love them, that I have no worries about. Its the hugsssssss and kisses, the laughs.
Trying to think...what are they doing right now? Well I know grand kids will be in bed, God how I wish I could have been there to tuck them in and give them a good night kiss, see you in the morning. Think...what is my son doing right now? Is he out, is he on his x-box? with is girlfriend? Thinking about my girls where are they, well one will be at home, TV on hoping the kids don`t wake up, may have a friend there with her? My other girl may be out with her friends, may be home, may even be at her sisters. (that would be nice if she is)
I miss my kids every day, think about how they are and what they are doing. Me and my kids are very very close, not been away from them this long in a long time. Even as the tears run down my face and I miss my kids so so much, ohhhh I wish we could all be with each other. Now I have kids here too and miss them just as much when I go to England. I have gotten to know Buttercup's kids just as much and miss them too when I don't see them. Cruel world, a? The one thing I do know is that my love for all the kids will always be with them and they all know that. Right now my heart is where it belongs and that's with Buttercup. All the kids know that I am happy in my heart with Buttercup and the one thing that helps is I know they are all happy for us both ......John

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