Well I am sitting in the apartment on my own and Buttercup is at work. I think about how I would love to be able to go out to work, don't like having to wait for the visa. Its just one of the things that you have to do, plus all the paper work. Then you start to think about all the things that you have left behind. I have said this before, I think about the things you miss, but you are waiting for your life to start. Like all the things you have both talked about. Setting up a home, being with each other, all the dreams that you wish for...but you have to sit and wait for a bit of paper. Then you get people saying "I couldn`t do that" what I say to them is "well I am in love with the woman of my dreams and what ever I have to do to be with her I will.
I know just sitting around can get to people, believe me it gets to me too. The thing is I know in the end I will be happy. That's what keeps me going. We are happy now and we are going though a lot right now, having to phone England for things and they don`t answer...being told we have to have this and that, knowing its back in England and people you talk to can`t find it. It can get very upsetting at times. There are a lot of things to be worked out, the thing that gets us mad is sometimes we have no control of it, we have to wait for others, I am so happy that I have some people in England that can help us.
Sometimes you don`t know if to cry or laugh, but the one thing you can`t do is give up. I think that's why some people do give up. One thing I can tell you is if you love someone as you think you do, you never give up. You just think, right, this is what we will do now. Giving up never comes in to it, well not for me ever. The one thing I do know, is I love Buttercup every day more and more. She is the sunshine of my life. Her heart is so warm and loving. I just feel so safe. That's a big thing for me to say.
The way she makes me feel inside, the only way I can put it is in a way, people who have had kids, the feeling you get when they are born, well with Buttercup I have that feeling all the time. I belong with Buttercup, she's a part of me, she's my safe place, she's my everything.
I was made to be with her, she was the missing part of my life, I always knew she was out there. Now I am with her, there is nothing on this earth that will stop me from showing her every day how much I love her. Some people may say I am mad, weak or romantic or even soft in the head. One thing I will tell you. There was a time when Buttercup called it all off. She sent me a song called Please Remember (crying now as I think about that).
Even then I never give up on her. I can say I have never been hurt as much in my life as I was then. I just broke down in tears, couldn`t eat, couldn`t sleep. Then I said 'ok fine', I am going to the USA and what ever happens I will be there for her. If she has someone and marries them, as long as she is happy. That's when I knew just how much I loved her.
you see it was not just about my feelings. To me it was all about Buttercup being loved and happy. If she was with someone else then it was up to her. I just wanted her loved and happy. I wanted what was best for her and that's the way it's always been with me about her. Oh I know nobody will ever love Buttercup more than me, whoever they are. So I just want people to know just how happy I am. She picked me, and I know she loves me. She has shown me in so many ways. I know just how much I love her...and to Buttercup, I say " I love you more now, than I did this Morning... and I know I will love you more Tomorrow than I do now. I will never stop loving you, and will never let go ever babe.".........John (Let's always just be us)xxxxxxxx
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment